Crying From Within on Tisha BAv

Rav Itamar Shwarz, the author of the Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh

Download a number of Drashos on the Three Weeks and Tisha B’Ave

Who Is The Redemption About?

At the end of the first berachah of Shemoneh Esrei, we say, למען שמו באהבה, “l’maan Shemo b’ahavah” (For the sake of His Name, with love).

We await the redemption, but besides for this, we await the kind of redemption which is “for the sake of His Name”. Rather than simply bringing the redemption simply for the sake of His children, Hashem will bring the redemption is “for the sake of His Name, with love.”

A Seeming Contradiction

The Three Weeks leading up to Tisha B’Av is a time where we are supposed to feel pain and mourning over the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash. Yet, we also look forward to the redemption. This seems like a contradiction in our Avodas Hashem. How do we integrate these two seemingly contrary feelings – joy due to hope for the future geulah (redemption), but also sadness at the current state of exile, the galus?

Personal Suffering vs. National Suffering

It is natural for humans to want to escape pain. We are creatures of comfort and long to be redeemed from any uncomfortable or painful situations. However, escaping pain is not the purpose of the Redemption. Rather, the purpose of the Redemption will be “for Hashem’s sake”, as we say in Shemoneh Esrei – “l’maan shemo b’ahavah” ,“For the sake of His Name, with love.”

The sole purpose of the Redemption is to reveal Hashem’s name in the world, which is the purpose of Creation.[1] [Thus, we must long for the Redemption not to end our personal suffering but rather to achieve the whole purpose of Creation, for His Shechinah to be able to rest in this World.]

The Root of Exile

What does the passuk mean when it refers to the Redemption being for the sake of the “Name” of Hashem?

A name reveals the nature of something. In the gentile world, a name is meaningless [it is merely an arbitrary string of letters attached to things to enable people to communicate]. Similarly, the name of a gentile does not define his essence. However, in contrast, Jewish names reveal their essence. The names of people and things are intricately woven into their essential nature. Thus, the “Name” of Hashem when it is revealed in the future will reveal Hashem in the world.

Thus, since the entire purpose of Creation is to reveal Hashem in the world, the Redemption will be in His name’s sake. The word for exile in Hebrew is “galus”. The Hebrew word for redemption is “geulah”. Both these words are rooted in the Hebrew word “giluy”, meaning “to reveal”. This hints to the fact that both the exile and the redemption will reveal Hashem.[2]

Exile is essentially Hashem’s concealment of His radiance toward us (otherwise known as “hester panim”).[3] In other words, our current exile is synonymous with the revelation of Hashem concealed from our minds and hearts. In contrast, the redemption will reveal Hashem in our minds and hearts. It will be the time in which we will exclaim, “This is my G-d, and I will glorify Him”, and when all the nations of the world will exclaim, “Shema Yisrael, Hashem Elokeinu” (Hear, Yisrael, that Hashem is our G-d).

Needless to say, the four periods of exile that the Jewish people have endured (the fourth of which we are still currently enduring) have been rife with suffering and tragedy. However, the sufferings of the exiles are just the external branches. The root of the exile is the hester panim. The fact that Hashem has concealed His radiance from us – that is the true exile.

Chazal state that wherever the nation of Israel is exiled, the Shechinah (Hashem’s Presence) is exiled as well. However, it is important to note that the exile only occurs because the Shechinah has gone into exile. The exile ends when the Shechinah returns and Hashem is again revealed to us.

In other words, all of the exiles – from Egypt until the present exile, which is Edom (Rome and all the nations that have branched out from it) together with Yishmael (the Arab nations) – are merely representative of the true underlying cause of the exile – the absence of Hashem’s radiance toward us.

Why Are We Crying?

Of course, during this time of mourning, we have to think about the suffering of the Jewish people. However, it is important to remember that the suffering and tragedies are not the original cause of our situation but rather the result of our situation. The cause or root of the problem, the root of all the exiles, is hester panim. Without being aware of this, a person just has the “branches” [the consequential effect] without the “root” [original cause].

In summary, there are two layers to our mourning. There is the external layer, crying, which concerns the suffering we experience during our exile. However, these tears are really sourced in the internal, root cause of our sadness – the hester panim.

What Do We Really Want?

In the words ”le’maan Shemo b’ahavah’ of Shemoneh Esrei, why we do we also say the word b’ahavah (“with love”), and not simply l’maan “Shemo” (“for the sake of His Name”)?

[In order to understand this, it is useful to explore the meaning and source of the Hebrew word “ahavah.”] The Hebrew word for father is av, which is rooted in the word ahavah, love. Ahavah also means ratzon, to “want”.[6] This alludes to our Avos (forefathers), who wanted the true ratzon (will) – the desire to do Hashem’s will: “It is our will to do Your will.”

Thus, the ahavah of “l’maan Shemo b’ahavah”, concerns the love that comes from the revelation of our very deepest ratzon. There are other kinds of ahavah, love – including ahavah rabbah (“great love”) and ahavas olam (“eternal” love). However, the love expressed in the words “l’eman Shemo b’ahavah” is greater than both of these. It is a love that comes when the true ratzon, the will of Hashem, is revealed. It is a revelation of “retzoneinu laasos Retzoncha” – “Our will to do Your will.”[7]

Exile thus represents a state whereby we have not achieved this greatest love, where our will is not to do Hashem’s will.There is no revelation of “retzonenu laasos Retzoncha” in exile. Admittedly, even in exile there can still be a revelation of the desire to see Hashem, for “It is our desire to see Our King” (“retzonenu liros es Malkeinu”.)[8] [In other words, we ‘want to want’ to do Hashem’s will. But we have not achieved the level of actually wanting it and incorporating our will into His will.]

Another way of understanding this distinction is to consider the prayer [which we recite later in Shemoneh Esrei], of לישועתך קוינו כל היום, “For Your salvation we await, every day.” This salvation is the true redemption. However, we obviously do not fully have sufficient ratzon for Hashem to save us, otherwise the redemption would have already come. Unfortunately, our ratzon itself is in exile! Our true internal, higher soul and its desires remain hidden from us. And as we explained above, since ratzon forms the basis of this greatest love, the absence of ratzon is the absence of the love.

How To Reach The Real Crying

To truly have pain over the exile, we have to first fire up our ratzon to truly want the redemption. Only when we have uncovered and fired up our true, inner desire for redemption will we truly feel pain over the exile, that we have not yet obtained what our hearts’ desire. This weeping can only be achieved when a person recognizes within himself of what he is truly missing and how discontent we truly are. This realization will bring us to true tears, not just fleeting moments of emotion.

The following scenario may assist us to understand this better, demonstrating how the greater the ahavah, the greater the ratzon and emotion involved with this person.

This is also true of feeling the pain over the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash and the current exile. We do not necessarily feel the pain (and thereby achieve the avodah of the Three Weeks/Nine Days) without work. How, indeed, can we reach this inner source of the crying?

We have to focus on our true ratzon. What do we truly want? Learning Torah and doing the mitzvos only shows what we want on the outside. What do we truly want on the inside? What is a person’s true ratzon in life…?

Hashem will bring the Redemption “for the sake of His Name, with love.” He has a will (ratzon) as well as a love (ahavah) for us. The more we strive to connect ourselves to these middos of Hashem (of ratzon and ahavah), more we reveal our ratzon for the redemption, and the closer we will be to our salvation from this exile.

The Avodah of Tisha B’Av

What is the practical avodah we need to do on Tisha B’Av (I would instead say: What, practically speaking, is the avodah we need to do on Tisha B’Av?)?

Fasting and being forbidden to learn Torah make Tisha B’Av difficult to endure on the outside. To inspire themselves to reach a point of mourning, many people read different statements of Chazal in the Gemara about the destruction or listen to inspiring lectures. However, such mourning is simply an external sadness and pain.

In order to reach a true, inner pain, we must consider and reflect on what the destruction truly represents– the fact that we no longer have the Shechinah is because we do not have the ratzon to bring it here!

This is what we truly have to mourn about on Tisha B’Av. The destruction of the Beis Hamikdash, the many tragedies that took place then, the suffering of all the exiles – these are just the external layer of the destruction. It is the destruction to our soul, and to our soul’s true ratzon to reveal Hashem into the world, that we should really be crying about.

[1] As explained at length by Ramchal in sefer Daas Tevunos

[2] Maharal (Netzach Yisrael: 1)

[3] Ramchal (sefer Daas Tevunos)

[6] Siddur Nusach Arizal, Tefillas Shacharis Shabbos, “b’ahavah u’bratzon”; Kedushas Levi Tehillim 69:14

[7] Berachos 17a

[8] Rashi Shemos 19:9

A Tisha B’av Kinah for Our Times

Woe to us on this bitter day! We have what to cry about!
Woe for all the heads without Tefillin
After 3700 years from Avraham Avinu
After having survived Holocausts and Inquisitions…
Jewish boys and girls blunder
In the darkness that plagues our generation
And go lost by the millions
With visions of isms and instant pleasures
Rapt in utter ignorance
Bathed in a blue light they may never escape
And generations and giant whole families
Holy congregations have disappeared
For nothing!
And their names dead ended
Now only grace lonely stones
In forgotten cemeteries
Bearing words their children
Those that had- Could never read
Woe to us on this bitter day! We have what to cry about!

The pervasive angst of isolation!
Microwaves our very beings!
We feel beaten from within.
The continuous waves of psychological pain.
We suffer with a wry smile and a diet coke.
The gnawing insecurity and emptiness.
It brings us to search for things that do not exist.
The sublime is substituted with the virtual.
Pictures and fantasies tickle n’ dissolve like
Cotton candy for the eyes…in a world of lies
Fire works for lonely hearts that only grow lonelier
Noshing on empty calories for an endless soul
And as for the big itch…the really big itch…
That small thin voice is starved…
Portrait of a Holocaust victim!
So we turn up the tempo
Tapping like a blind man
Louder and more frantically
We are lost as never before.
Woe to us on this bitter day! We have what to cry about!

The Chutzpah around us and within.
The skirts…the so called “styles”…the pressure to conform
The lewdness …the angry language
Rap -rap -rap….bark -bark –bark!
Bitter and desperate…is the new normal
The almost total loss of respect
Nothing and no one is Holy
The good ones are ridiculed-
The object of derision
For framing a G-dly Image
And dressing as humans do
For keeping the Shabbos Holy
Watching our eyes and tongues!
While pictures of the unthinkable
The pop-ups of our lives
Invade constantly
On every bus that passes by
Our brothers and sisters
Drop like fall leaves
Fewer and fewer hang strong
Woe to us on this bitter day! We have what to cry about!

The inmates are running the asylum.
Clouds of chaos gather all around
Bombs are fashioned for our final solution
And we are lost in the mirror again.
Wondering if we are loved or looking good
70 wolves salivate with teeth like daggers
Aimed to devour our tiny flock!
Where are we?
Busy with our cell phones
Texting our way to oblivion
Dealing with emergencies of little import
Consumed by crumb size concerns
Like Chometz…And the size of our noses
Woe to us on this bitter day! We have what to cry about!

The Chillul HASHEM
We have lost our luster
Suspicion surrounds us
The Nation of HASHEM
The people of truth
Are ridiculed and considered low
While every sports team and slick politician
Has their stadium…Their edifice their complex
Where their glory is on open display
Where is the place of HASHEM in this world?
Billions speak falsely in His name
Identity theft on the grandest scale
Religion is a rejected and dirty word
We are tagged zealots and bigots
For preserving four cubit of Hallacha
This is our crime
And so we owe the world an apology
HASHEM and we His People
Share all time low approval ratings
For this we truly owe a broken heart
Woe to us on this bitter day! We have what to cry about!

What can be done when what’s done is done?
Who can rebuild such a wall torn down?
Our Holy Temple is destroyed!
Echoing in the cosmos
Is a muffled scream!
Of unspeakable abuse
A silent crime!
Against our most beautiful daughters
Made to suffer alone
Scarred in a way
No one can say
With more than broken hearts
Shattered Tablets
And bitter memories
Bleed bad blood
And families crumble
With no happy choices
But to seek greatness
And avoid the pit of insanity
There I said it! Without saying it!
Woe to us on this bitter day! We have what to cry about!

Thousands take to the streets
In a moment’s notice
To look for Leiby
The heart …my heart… where’s my heart?
How can we go up to our father and the youth is not with us?
How can we go up to our Father in Heaven
and the innocence and youthfulness is no longer with us?
HASHEM wants the heart! Where’s the heart? A frantic cry!
It’s been stifled, torn asunder in the heart of our hearts!
In the midst of our midst!
Our innocence is ravaged from within!
We cannot even trust ourselves!
A knife is driven repeatedly into our heart again and again
Where is our heart!
Where are our youth?
HASHEM wants the heart!
If not for the watchful eye of…
A camera …random… nothing is!
We could live in the shadows of doubt…
Postulating and philosophizing
So now we are all mourners …
We are done looking outward
The mirrors are covered…enough…enough
We sit low and quiet
Our eyes turned inward…at last…
We hope to find a heart yet beating…there
from where we can build-
…from where can we build
On this day of brutal truth? We have what to cry about!

How did it happen? Where are you?
Unanswerable questions!
Persist in their asking!
Where a person’s mind is…
Says the Ba’al Shem Tov
That is where he is entirely!
So with a single Holy thought!
One of 60,000 a day!
An apple…a golden apple
Is rescued from the thieves
And goodness is restored
When opening our inner eyes
We begin to realize
The ground we are standing upon
Is not less than the Holy of Holies
The shoes are easily removed
A Burning bush…is revealed
We survived! We survived!
Till this historic moment!
You and I together
With a song …the wail of a longing heart…
Brought history and destiny to meet and embrace
As tearful friends reunited!
After thousands of years!
Moshiach is born!
On this special day! We have what to cry about!

This Tisha B’Av Kinah was Composed August 2011

Tens of Tisha B’Av Mp3s

The laws of mourning on Tisha B’av are modeled after the laws of mourning when a relative passes away. One significant difference is, that by a relative the stringency of the halachos decreases as time passes, while those of Tisha B’av increase as we pass from the three weeks, to the nine days, to Tisha Bav itself.

One explanation is that for a relative we feel the loss immediately and most strongly when they pass away, and the pain of that loss decreases as time goes on. Whereas for Tisha B’av it is difficult for us to mourn for a loss that we never experienced, so we need to work on increasing the feeling of that loss throughout the Three Weeks.

With that said here are some direct downloads and links to other sites to help prepare for the mourning of Tisha B’Av:

Torah Anytime on Tisha B’Av

YU Torah shiurm on Tisha B’Av

Torah Downloads on Tisha B’Av
——————–
Rabbi Akiva Tatz on Tisha B’av – Destruction of The Mind

Rabbi Akiva Tatz on Tisha B’Av – Why Mourning in Afternoon

Rabbi Akiva Tatz on Tisha B’Av – Destruction and Renewal

Rabbi Akiva Tatz on Tisha B’Av – Why We Mourn for the Land

——————–
Rabbi Herschel Welcher on “Eretz Yisroel and Emunah”

Rabbi Herschel Welcher on “Lessons from the Pain of Bar Kamtza”

Rabbi Herschel Welcher on Tisha B’av Directions

Rabbi Herschel Welcher on Tisha B’Av (2011)

Rabbi Herschel Welcher on Tisha B’Av (2009)

Rabbi Herschel Welcher on Tisha B’Av (2007)

Rabbi Herschel Welcher on Tisha B’Av (2006)

——————–
R’ Moshe Schwerd on The Broken Luchos – An Everlasting Gift

R’ Moshe Schwerd on Tefillin, Tisha BAv, and the Bais HaMikdash

R’ Moshe Schwerd on “The Morning after the Mourning”

R’ Moshe Schwerd on How Mourning Brings the Dawn of Moshiach

R’ Moshe Schwerd on Tisha B’Av – Past, Present & Future

R’ Moshe Schwerd on Bringing Korbanos With Our Lips

R’ Moshe Schwerd on “Tisha B’AV Mourning and Consolation”

The Three Weeks – Building The World

Rav Itamar Shwarz, the author of the Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh

Download a number of Drashos on the Three Weeks and Tisha B’Ave

Binah/Binyan – The Power To ‘Build’ Through Our Understandings

ומלמד לאנוש בינה Hashem teaches “binah”, intuition, to us.

The word binah is related to the word binyan, to build. Torah scholars are called “builders” – they are blessed with the power of binah. When a person exerts himself in learning Torah, he is really building the world.

How can we reveal our power of binah to build the world – and to be more specific, to rebuild the Beis HaMikdash?

The Depth Behind ‘Sinas Chinam’ (Baseless Hatred): A Viewpoint of Disparity

Chazal tell us that the Beis HaMikdash was destroyed because of sinas chinam (baseless hatred)6. What is the root of sinas chinam? From where does this negative emotion come from?

Simply, it comes from being egotistical. When a person only cares about himself, he couldn’t care less about others, so he will hate others for no reason.

But the deeper understanding is as follows.

When we build a structure, a brick is placed on top of another. Hashem created many details in Creation; we are all like many bricks that need to get added together, and form the complete structure of Creation. All details in Creation are many parts of one whole which will ultimately have to come together.

When we see the world – inanimate objects, as well as people – from a superficial perspective, we do not see how all these connect. But it is this superficial perspective which actually brought about the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash!

We are supposed to see how all the details in Creation are really meant to come together and form a structure. Therefore, the many details going on in Creation are not just a bunch of random details. They are many parts of one whole, which need to come together in a structure. The purpose of everything is always one and the same – to come together, to become unified, and form one structure.

Applying this to our own development, when a person is young, he doesn’t connect outward beyond himself. When he gets a little older, he begins to realize that there is a Creator, and he wants to connect with the Creator, but he does not necessarily see connection with others as part of his connection with the Creator. If a person gets a little wiser, he realizes that his connection with the Creator really depends on how he connects with others.

When a person views Creation through a lens of disparity, this was the perspective which enabled destruction to come to the world. This is the depth behind sinas chinam.

Sinas Chinam – To Be Inwardly Apart From Other Jews

Even more so, sinas chinam means “I can live on my own; I don’t need other Jews in order to exist.”

What about the mitzvah to do chessed? The person rationalizes, “Chessed is like any other mitzvah that is outside of myself, like shaking a lulav. I don’t need chessed to exist.” When a person views Creation with disparity like this, that is sinas chinam – this perspective is what destroyed the Beis HaMikdash.

What was the Beis HaMikdash? It was the place that contained the Shechinah. But what is the Shechinah about? It is about Hashem’s Presence dwelling in Klal Yisrael, when we are in union. When we are not unified and we are instead apart from each other in our hearts, there is no point of having the Shechinah.

“The king is called the heart of the nation”; Hashem called is our “heart”. But if our hearts are full of disparity towards each other, and we each feel like we can survive without other Jews, then our damaged heart will not allow Hashem to be the heart of the nation, and thus the Shechinah will not dwell among us.

Sinas chinam has two layers to it. The outer layer of it is to show signs of hatred, simply speaking. The essence of sinas chinam, though, is that a person feels himself apart from other Jews, that he feels fine without other Jews, that he feels like he can live without other Jews. Sinas chinam, at its core, is to have a perspective of disparity towards Creation, a lack of awareness that Creation is supposed to become unified.

Moving In The Opposite Direction of Sinas Chinam

How do we go in the opposite direction, then, and get ahavas chinam (‘baseless love’)? We know that we have a mitzvah to love other Jews like ourselves but, how do we actually get it?

Simply speaking, we need to get rid of sinas chinam and reveal our deep ahavah for other Jews that we have really deep down. True, but there is more to it.

Ahavas chinam is when we realize, “I cannot exist without another Jew’s existence, for we are all part and parcel with one another.” There is no individual Jew who can live without another Jew’s existence; when we internalize this understanding, we reveal ahavas chinam. Thus, hatred can only exist when a Jew thinks he can exist fine without another Jew.

This perspective of ahavas chinam is the power that can rebuild the Beis HaMikdash, as well as the world as a whole.

Learning Torah To Build The World

As an example, when a person learns Torah, does he realize he is building the world? Or is he learning it all for himself…?

Learning Torah is what unifies the details of the world together. When a person learns Torah, he must be aware that his learning causes unity in Creation, for Torah is the root of all souls. But if a person is learning Torah and he has no love for other Jews, he’s learning Torah all for himself, and such Torah does not build the world.

Uprooting Hatred, and Getting To The Root of Love

The Rambam describes our middos as “daas”. The essence of all our middos and emotions is daas. The depth of ahavas chinam, and removing sinas chinam, is thus not by working with our emotions. Our emotions of love or hatred can only be the result of what perspective we have deep down. If we reveal daas – and we come to actually sense it – then we can reveal love.

We know that doing things for other people can bring love, for “the heart is pulled after the actions”, but at the same time we must realize that we need daas. When we do actions for others, we need to reveal daas with it – to realize that we must unify with others.

To uproot sinas chinam, and to develop ahavas chinam, we need to do good actions for others and help others, but along with this, we also need to reveal our daas – to realize that we need to unify with others. It is a perspective which we need to gain on how we view others. This is the way to access the real emotion of love for other Jews. Destruction comes when we are missing this perspective.

Love For Other Is Not A Novelty

What does it mean to love? It is not simply to shower love upon others. Love is when we reach our daas, when we connect with others, by realizing that all of Creation needs to become unified.

When a person gets married, he believes this is his bashert (soul-mate). He believes the words of Chazal that finding a wife is like finding his lost object. He does not view the love towards his wife as something new; he realizes that he is revealing a reality which is already there, for Chazal say that husband and wife were already destined to be bound together in love.

In the same way, we should view other Jews in Creation – our love for other Jews must not be some novel concept to us. When you meet another Jew, don’t think to yourself that Ahavas Yisrael is some new concept that you have to work on. Rather, it is the reality, and you need to align your way of thinking with that reality. This is because we are all one at our root.

The only reason why we don’t feel that unity is because we are currently living in a world of darkness, which blurs us from seeing the true reality. Therefore, we feel apart from each other, but it’s only because we are not in touch with reality.

What We Cry About on Tisha B’Av

We cry on Tisha B’Av over the ruins of Jerusalem, which lies in disgrace. We are living in a time of hester panim (concealment of Hashem’s revelation). But even more than so, we should cry about an even more painful situation: there are many of our fellow Jews today who are going through all sorts of pain, suffering, and predicament. In our times we live in, our fellow Jews today have both physical suffering as well as suffering of the soul.

We cannot really cry over the destruction of Jerusalem if we do not feel unity with other Jews. Why we do we cry on Tisha B’Av? Is it because we can’t bring our own Korbonos for ourselves? Or are we crying because we don’t have the Korbonos that atone for the entire congregation…? Which of these aspects means more to you…?

In Conclusion

“Whoever mourns Jerusalem, will merit to its rebuilding.” Even if we do not merit the actual rebuilding of the Beis HaMikdash, we can each have a part in its rebuilding, when we build the world through the deeper understanding that comes from our “daas”, towards our relationship with the other Jewish souls.

May we all merit to unify with other Jews, as one piece, and come together into one structure, in which “Hashem will be One, and His Name will be one”.

Musical Chairs – Chapter 8G – A Big Surprise at the L’Chaim

Chapter 8G

As they sat down to dinner Esther phoned. “The Silver’s just got back from the Rav. They can continue seeing each other.”

Molly let out a huge yell and jumped into the air. “Yahoo ,! We’re on.”

Asher threw his arms around his mother.

“Esther says that tomorrow night you’re going to meet Rahely at the Renaissance.”

“Why there,” Asher frowned.

“She says that’s what the Silvers want”

“Does Esther get a kickback from the hotel? , “said Nahum.

Molly shot him a harsh glance. “Who cares? The main thing Is that it’s on. Can’t you be happy?”
But Nahum just sat in his place cutting up his chicken.

As they stood in front of the reception desk Asher took Raheli aside and popped the question.

The previous days events had caused Asher’ emotions to rise to the surface. “Rahely, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

Rahely’s cheeks turned a bright pink.

“Rahely I think you know what I’m……”

A piano played in the distance as the words fell from his lips.. “Rahely, don’t want to lose you. I want you to be mine, forever, for life.”His entire body trembled.

“To get married?” Her smile accentuated the dimples in her cheeks.

“Yes,.”Maybe we could do the wedding here,” Asher said.

Right then Rahely pulled her phone from her purse to call her parents. “Don’t’ you want to call your Mum and Dad as well.”

“No, ” said Asher. “This is something I’m going to need to tell them in person.”

As soon as he got off with his daughter Rabbi Silver picked up the phone to Nahum Tumim. It was an ingrained response, the way he’d done it with all the others.

“So mechutan. Mazal Tov. Come over now. We’re going to have a LeHaim.”

“Wait a minute.. Can we put this off another day.”

Nahum was about to go to sleep.

“Sure , sure, but Mazal Tov.”

Rabbi Silver hung up the phone puzzled. “Eda,” he called to his wife. She was putting on night crème getting ready for bed. “Yes dear.”

“The father didn’t sound like he knew what was going on.”

“Oh. There’s always something Just go to sleep. I’m sure Hashem will help” said Eda. She recited evening prayers and was soon asleep but Rabbi Silver got up and settled himself at the kitchen table where he spent the night praying and studying. “I wish I had her faith, “he told himself “but I’m going tostorm the heavens. I won’t let my Rahely lose out.”

In the morning Nahum’s head throbbed. His face was pallid and his eyes ringed with dark circles. After he washed his hands, he checked his phone. “Are we supposed to have a vort today?”.

“Let me see that. ” Molly read the message. “They are inviting us for a lehaim at nine for a Le’Haim, not a vort. The vort comes later..”said Molly.

“What’s the difference?”

“Well the LeHaim is the unofficial celebration and the vort is when they actual contract to marry. The two mother-in-laws broke a ceramic plate —“.

Nahum yawned and turned away.

“I’m not ready for any of this and I need to get ready to go to shul.”

Just then Asher phoned from the yeshiva. “So is it on? Tonight?”

Molly held the phone speechless. She didn’t know what do say.

“Is there some kind of problem? With Dad.”

“Just daven.”That was always good advice. “We’ll keep you posted.”

Right after services Nahum rushed to the office and didn’t come home until late at night. Throughout the day Molly tried to reach him with calls and texts but he didn’t answer. He arrived home well after dark only to find Molly standing at the door wearing her best wig, high heels and a shimmery black dress.

“Where were you? They are expecting us at nine.”

“I’m not up for this. What if I say I’m sick? It isn’t a lie. “She widened her eyes in a gesture of mock solicitude.
“. “We need to be there in fifteen minutes. If there is the slightest bit of traffic.

Nahum headed toward the bedroom. ‘I’m going to lie down. ”

“Then I’ll take a taxi and go by myself..”

Nahum turned around following her out the door and into the car.

“What is your problem? Your son has met a great girl. He’s in seventh heaven. After all the searching, we finally got what we dreamed of?”

As they turned off the highway toward Ramot Nahum suddenly looked lost.

“Just make a left at the traffic light and then a right and a left again,” said Molly.

“How do you know.”

“I’m not quite as big a jerk as you think. Please , try to be polite.”

After several wrong turns they reached the Silver’s building. The hallway walls were dirty . The paint was peeling and just outside a family of cats rummaged through a dumpster. “Doesn’t seem like a place someone with money would chose to live ,” Nahum said.

“These apartments go for almost two million.”

‘On the front door someone had hung crepe paper streamers and a large handwritten sign with the words “Mazal Tov Asher and Rahely.”

“How sweet” said Molly. Nahum frowned. Inside the dining room table was laden with cakes and soft drinks and, marshmallows and sour sticks threaded onto skewers. They were surrounded by Silvers In every corner another child emerged, three generations gathered under one roof.

Rabbi Silver extended his hand to Nahum. Then he led him into a tiny room filled with floor to ceiling book shelves.
“Can I get you a drink, something cold, a scotch? You don’t have to be ashamed. “I’m an Irishman, born in Dublin. We like our drink.”

Nahum could have drained a shot, even more but he shook his head.

“I believe in being frank,” said Rabbi Silver.

“So do I, “said Nahum. His smile looked forced.

“I don’t know what you’ve been told about me, but I haven’t a nickel. In fact all I have are debts. I’d love to help Rahely. I’d love to buy her a house, even two houses, one to live in and one to rent out for the income but I’m afraid I can’t. If my situation improves I’ll gladly do my share, even more but right now those are the facts. If that isn’t to your liking….” He dropped his gaze …”. I will understand”

Rabbi Silver’s great bushy brows covered a pair of soft grey eyes now soft shrouded by a thin veil of tears. For a long time the two men sat together in silence, while Rabbi Silver buried his face inside of his hands.

“I hear you but the kids need to start a life… The shadchan said….”

“Yes you think I don’t know that. I’ve married off a half dozen already. I thought I could raise the funds but the deal that I was counting on had fallen through…” Rabbi Silver bent forward again his eyes cast downward.
“We’ll let you know.”

“Come on, ” Nahum said to Molly. “We’re going home.”

“How could you do this to Asher. He was going to bring his friends from the yeshiva…..”

“Esther said the guy was good for some help. $100 grand was it? ”

Molly leaned into her tissue. She didn’t pick it up again until they were back in Har Nof.

Just as Asher was about to leave for Rahely’s house she phoned.

“Something has happened. I can’t talk about it on the phone. Meet me in a half hour at the corner of Rehov Bar Ilan near the Sanhedria Cemetery.”

“A cemetery, at night? . Was Rahely sick? Asher grabbed a taxi on the street in front of the yeshiva. His heart beat like a Tom Tom while his sweat glands worked overtime.

“Please drive faster,” he told the driver.

“I’m doing the best I can.”

Asher found Rahely standing alone at the cemetery gate. “Together they walked through of the crowded graveyard, the tombs covered with stones and chips from roof tiles laying She stopped at the resting place of Rabbi Aryeh Levine, a 20th century holy man famous for his great and open heart. ” There’s a problem with the shidduch. I don’t want to get into the details but please, we’ll both recite the Song of Songs every day for the next forty days.”

That was a segula, a spiritual remedy capable of arousing heavenly mercies. Rahely smiled at him, her soft cheeks dimpling up as she did. “I’m sure it will all be fine.” Then they said their goodbyes, waving to each other. The tears in Rahely’s eyes reflected the tears in his own.

Asher went home to find his parents arguing.

“The Silver’s misrepresented themselves. We went into this under false pretenses,” said Nahum.

“I don’t think they meant anything bad . They seem to be good people. Maybe we would have done the same in their position. Why can’t you have some sympathy?”said Molly.

“I know . You want me to give in. We’ll just take the whole thing on. Well how do you think we can afford it. Do you know how much a young kollel couple can cost?”

Molly sobbed loudly.

So that’s what it boiled down to. Money. Asher could hardly believe it. And what a gem Rahely for holding back and not telling him.

“Mom, Dad,” he stood right between them. “You forgot about me. I want to marry Rahely and she wants to marry me. We aren’t asking for your money. . It doesn’t have to be all on you.”said Asher.

“Oh come on be realistic. You don’t know how expensive life can be. How will you two every put a roof over your heads?” said Nahum.

“Mom, Dad. I want this It’s my life. Please let me marry the person I want to marry.”

Asher turned and went into his room.. “Why me G-d. I finally meet the right one and then this. Oh help. “Then he remembered Rahely’s words. The Song of Songs . He recited the Solomon’s poem about the love of G-d and the Jews and then he was able to sleep. At dawn he tiptoed out of the apartment and went back to the yeshiva.

Learning to Get Along with People of Wildly Different Persuasions

By Zev Gotkin

There is a lot of talk these days in the media about ‘polarization,’ especially within the context of politics. Often it seems as if being a ‘moderate’ is going out of style. Being labeled a centrist is to be seen as ‘wishy-washy’ or indecisive. Perhaps going to extremes makes people happy, because it means they don’t have to do too much thinking. When you see everything in black and white, you don’t have to worry about the shades of gray. I conjecture that this mentality is (and always has been) the reason behind why many exclusively hang around those who share their views and opinions. Dialogue poses a threat…especially to the insecure individual. Can we be friends with those who hold opinions and world-views that dramatically differ from ours? I venture to say that it is possible.

I remember when a few years ago that attention-loving, political pundit Ann Coulter made a comment on national television that Jewish people are “im-perfected Christians.” According to Ms. Coulter we Jews are ‘almost there.’ We just need to accept the man on the cross and salvation is ours. Even though Ms. Coulter wasn’t really saying anything new or original, but echoing the sentiments of Christianity since its inception, her statement caused quite the media storm. Naturally this not only offended many in the Jewish community, but rapidly became a subject of much discussion and derisive comments in the media. It is understandable why her comment shocked polite company as it recalled centuries of persecution Jews suffered at the hands of the Church and Christian regimes. However, if one is familiar with Christian teachings which clearly state that a person needs to have faith in Jesus being divine and/or the Messiah in order to attain salvation, one can almost see Ms. Coulter’s remark as her way of delivering a compliment to the Jewish people – if not a back-handed one.

At the time of this controversy a Jewish friend angrily told me how a mutual Catholic friend of ours told him point-blank that he agrees with Ms. Coulter. I privately took our Catholic friend aside and questioned him about it. “Do you believe I am going to Hell?” I asked. He stammered and sputtered before admitting that yes, he did in fact believe that I was destined for the underworld in accordance with Catholic doctrine. Of course it is hard to tell if this is in fact reflective of Catholic doctrine today as the Church’s position on this matter has done a bit of flip-flopping as of late, but you may wonder whether or not I became angry or upset with my Catholic friend.

The answer is no. I was not offended. This is my friend’s sincere religious belief and as long as he is not proselytizing me or trying to impose his religious views upon me, I can respect it. I actually like to occasionally discuss religion with this particular friend. As an observant Jew I feel I often see eye-to-eye more often with religious people of other faiths than I do with many Jews. My Catholic friend and I share many common values even if our theologies radically differ. I respect him the same way I would hope many of other religious or no religious affiliations would respect me.

Orthodox Jews have some customs and beliefs that seem strange to other people. I myself having become orthodox in my early twenties after having grown up in a secular Jewish home can understand why someone might find many aspects of Orthodox Judaism strange. While I seriously doubt I could be friends with someone who passionately hates Judaism and/or the Jewish people (I doubt they’d want to be my friend either), I don’t see a conflict between living in accordance with Torah and associating with those who do not share many of my values or points of view. In fact Judaism teaches that one does not need to be Jewish to be a good person or get to Heaven. The Torah teaches that a non-Jew who is an honest and ethical person and believes in the Creator will actually earn a share in the World-to-Come.

What about secular Jews? Surely, those heathens are going to Jew-Hell, right? Wrong. First of all while Judaism does have a concept of Hell known as Gehinnom, it is believed to be a temporary rest-stop to get the stains out of our souls before being moved into a blissful existence. We do not believe in eternal damnation (except for a select few, horrible individuals). Furthermore, most secular Jews today are not considered heretics by contemporary rabbinic authorities. Most Jews simply do not know enough about their religion to actively rebel against it and are therefore not liable to punishment. In fact even many Jews who grew up religious and abandoned it don’t usually go ‘off the path’ out of pure rebellion, but due to family problems or negative experiences in school.

Those of us who consider ourselves observant Jews must treat those Jews who self-identify as secularor non-orthodox with loving kindness in accordance with the dictum of our Sages that “all Jews are responsible for one another” (Shavuos 39a). Our Sages also teach that “all Israel have a share in the World to Come”(Sanhedrin 11:1). Furthermore, Chassidic philosophy and Kaballa explain that all Jewish souls emanate from the same root in G-dliness. Plenty of my friends and family members are secular and some are even anti-religious or hostile toward my way of life. The best thing we observant Jews can do is increase Ahavas Yisrael (love of one’s fellow), answer questions that are posed to us sensitively and honestly, and remember to love the person even if we vehemently dislike what the person says or does. This is not always easy and I don’t pretend to be flawless in this arena, but if we want to perfect the world and bring the Final Redemption it would be prudent to do our best.

Our Sages teach that we lost the Holy Temple due to senseless hatred between Jews. With senseless love we will rebuild it. Even though we can disagree and get into heated discussions about various topics we must work hard to make sure it doesn’t get personal and if it does to quickly apologize and make peace. It doesn’t matter who ‘started it.’ During the Three Weeks when Jews traditionally mourn the destruction of the Holy Temple we should make an extra concerted effort to ponder these ideas and put them into practice.

Originally Published on 7/10/2012

The 17th of Tammuz and Mishnah Berurah Hilchos Shabbos

The Gemora in Berachos (8a) states “miyom shecharav beis hamikdash ein lo l’Hakadosh Baruch Hue la daled amos shel halacha” meaning “from the day the Temple was destroyed the only place where Hashem can be found is in the four amos of halacha”. Rabbi Hershel Schachter explains that when the Temple stood, one would visit there and be in the presence of Hashem – the Beis Hamikdash was the “house of Hashem”. After the Temple was destroyed, one can best enter into a state of Lifnei Hashem by learning Torah.

Tuesday is the 17th of Tammuz the beginning of the three weeks in which we remember and mourn the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash. As it turns out, this year Dirshu’s Daf HaYomi B’Halacha will begin Chelek Gimmel of Mishnah Berurah, the learning of hilchos Shabbos. Over the course of about a year and a half, the entire Chelek Gimmel of Mishnah Berurah will be completed.

What an amazing opportunity! We can learn Hilchos Shabbos, one of the most important and pertinent halachic topics, which always needs strengthening. We can be in the presence of Hashem through that learning. And by starting on the 17th of Tammuz we can show Hashem that we are making tangible efforts to rebuild the Beis Hamikdash.

There are online shiurim available at TorahAnytime.com and the OU.

Here’s a link to the calendar through September 2017

Flourishing in the Mental Dimension

This is the next in the series on Four Dimensional Flourishing.

The components of the Mental Dimension consist of acquiring knowledge, developing deeper understanding and applying that knowledge and understanding. The flourishing currency in the Mental Dimension is meaning. The habit we need to create is mindfulness. The deterrent is distraction.

The Ramchal teaches that the mind has three natural mental processes:
1. Acquiring knowledge about things and ideas by reading, listening and observing.
2. Developing a deeper understanding of our knowledge and deriving new ideas.
3. Applying our knowledge and understanding as practical wisdom by forming opinions and making decisions.

The goal of these processes is to see things as they really are and then spend our time and energy on the most significant and meaningful things.

The currency of the Mental Dimension is meaning, and meaningful things are defined by how significant they are. Doing meaningful things is often outwardly focused because we find that helping others has significance. For example, health care providers and teachers often find their occupations to be meaningful because they are directly helping others.

If we want to live with meaning, we need to pay more attention to the significant things in our lives. The problem is that we are often distracted by insignificant things. This fact is starkly portrayed in a popular video which shows people glued to their smartphones while their significant others become invisible.

Let’s use a simple example from the daily activity of parenting to see how seemingly insignificant matters can be meaningful:

You ask your son to go to the bank to make a deposit. He responds that he’s about to go to his friend’s house and asks if he can make the deposit afterwards. The simple response would be to tell him to make the deposit first. But the simple response isn’t always the best one. There are many factors you might want to consider before you make the decision, such as: the importance of the deposit and what would happen if he forgets to make it, showing him that you trust him to keep track of time, giving him the responsibility to juggle social and family responsibilities, etc.

Many times we are too distracted to think deeply about our interactions with our children. But these, sometimes seemingly small, interactions are the bread and butter of the meaningful activity of parenting.

In summary, the path to meaning in the Mental Dimension is to act with mindfulness so that we can focus on the more significant things in our life. The deterrent is distraction. We can overcome this by using our thought processes to actively determine and pay attention to what is significant.

Musical Chairs – Chapter 8F – Meeting Rahely and New Complications

Chapter 8F

At nine PM the doorbell rang. Molly ran to answer it half expecting to see a beggar; they were the only people who rang on doors. Instead she saw Asher in his best suit with Rahely at his side. She hadnt seen Rahely until now. There had been on exchange of photographs .She felt a wave of disappointment. In her mind she’d imagined her as like a movie star, Nicole Portman or a very young Natalie Wood. The girl she was looking at wasn’t bad looking, smooth dark hair, a wide face, small eyes a decent figure, not skinny and not fat but she was tiny, almost a midget. They’d have short children.. Molly sighed and then she opened the door.

“So nice to meet you”. Then she reached out and offered Rahely a hug. She wanted to appear warm, to accept this girl with her less than perfect features and size deficiency as if she were her daughter. The gesture felt forced, artificial, as if she were on the stage and not in real life, but what else could she do? She led everyone into the living room and for a few tense moments they sat down, she and Nahum on the coach and Rahely and Asher in the wing chairs. “Come have something to eat, to drink. “said Molly. Rahely shook her head. “Thanks but not right now.”

Molly felt slighted. Her new daughter in law had refused her food. Was that a bad omen.

“You know what, “said Rahely, Her eyes were full of light.”I can’t right now. I’m just too nervous. ” she giggled. “But it all looks so good . I’ll take some for later if that is okay.” Asher smiled at her approvingly. Through all those hours spent in hotel lobbies and at parks talking and talking had caused them to bond.

“Fine, ” said Molly . She liked the way that Rahely handled herself, quietly assertive and polite. Asher had chosen well. Rahely was a girl who knew her own mind.

As she folded the cakes into a napkin Asher rose and Rahely following ..”We’ve got to get going.”

The clock said 9:10— they had spent a total of ten minutes together.

“Isn’t she lovely. ” Molly beamed but Nahum didn’t return her smile.

“I hardly got a feel for her. I think this is moving a bit too fast.”

“That’s how it goes, They all do it like this.”

“Yeah but this is a big decision. I want Asher to take his time.”

“But look what a wonderful girl. Can’t you see how good they are together?”

“Frankly, I could hardly see anything.”

During her morning walk, Molly hashed the date out with Shulamis Black. “She seems lovely. I got a really good feel but Nahum …”

“Well this is a bit of a shock to his system. I’m surprised that you are taking it so well.”

“I really feel like I know her and I liked the chemistry. I’m just worried about Nahum.”

“Don’t’ worry,” said Shulamis as she bent down to retie her sneaker. “It’ll all work out. You won’t believe it but it will.”

As soon as she got home Esther phoned.

“This is getting serious,” she said. Her voice was tense and shrill.

“Yes he seems to care for Rahely. We met her last night and —

” Asher should think about closing ”

“Closing?” Wasn’t that a real estate concept?

“A ring, popping the question.”

“Yeah, already,” Molly’s voice quivered. Hearing Esther speak this way frightened her to the core.

“Isn’t this great,”

“Ummm, I mean Yes, ” said Molly. Her voice was cracked and low. This was what she wanted, worked for, hoped for , prayed for but as soon as she got off the phone she ran into her bedroom sobbing as she wrote in her journal. ”

I wish I could say that I’m crying tears of joy. I don’t know what kinds of tears these are, maybe tears of fear. Last night I felt so confident but now I’m just terrified. Rahely seemed sweet but they left too quickly. She’s a stranger. I really don’t know her at all. Oh G-d I hope this is a good move.

That afternoon Asher came home from yeshiva.

“It’s off. “His voice was flat, his eyes dull.

“What?” Molly threw her arms around him but he shrugged off her embrace.

“A problem with Rahely?” It seemed implausible to imagine them getting into a fight.

“No, we’re great. It’s her name. She’s called Rachel Malka . I can’t marry a girl with your name “Are you sure? “No ever calls me Malka ”

Asher settled down into the wing chair. She sat opposite him . Above them the ceiling fan noisily twirled the warm air .

“And it isn’t only that. Somebody told them about Grandpa Fred And they heard about Bella and Elazar.”

“Oy,” Molly held her fingers to her mouth and chewed on the tips of her nails. Over the past few weeks both Bella and Elazar took a turn for the worst. Her latest crime, being seen with a boy, according to her version of the story, Elazar’s friend to whom she had innocently delivered a package, had reached Rabanit Stark’s ears and she was expelled. To her credit, Rabanit Stark spoke softly “She cried. I think she really cares. I broke the school rule book and she can’t behnd the rules anymore,” Bella told her. Bella was actually looking forward to beginning a new school, a boarding school for rebellious girls in the fall and Molly was doing her best to be tentatively optimistic.

And Elazar, he left his yeshiva . He now spent his days delivering pizzas and waiting to be drafted. While she wept copiously at first Molly had almost adjusted. Part of her felt good to see Elazar applying himself to his job.

“They don’t have kids with issues?”

“Mom, you checked them out….”

“No, Their kids seem to be perfect but I’ll be that the other in-laws have kids like ours..”

“I don’t know but Rahely said that they are going to speak with their Rav” said Asher. Molly took his hand. It was twice the size of hers and covered with black hairs that stuck out like wires. How did her baby boy turn into a broken hearted man? “Can I get you something to eat or drink? An iced coffee? Some of the brownies. I’ve got plenty left.”

“No Mom, I can’t eat.” He sounded as if someone had died.

When Nahum came home from work he told Asher not to be sad. “It’s good to have a breather. Maybe she’s not for you after all. Maybe you’ll like the next girl much more.”

“Doesn’t Dad care “Asher asked Molly as he helped her set the dinner table.

“Yes of course he does but he never experienced a shidduch before. He doesn’t know how to react.”

“So I’m the guinea pig. again? The FFB child of BT parents “.

“We both want the best for you. Let’s wait and see how this plays out.”

Molly’s heart was clearly with Asher. He seemed to want this girl so much. From the moment he was born she’d always been a sucker for him. Less than twenty four hours ago she’d wept from fear but now she wanted was to see him marry Rahely. .

The Mesorah Of Rabbi Meir Zlotowitz

Admins note: Art Scroll has a special place in the hearts of almost every Baal Teshuva. Imagine how much more difficult our entry into Torah Judaism would have been without the guiding hand of the Art Scroll Siddurim, Gemorahs, Tanach and everything else they publish. Thank you Rabbi Zlotowitz and may your neshamah have an aliyah as a result of the great service you have performed and continue to perform for the Jewish People.

By Rabbi Yair Hoffman
Five Towns Jewish Times

Perhaps his e‑mail address said it all: “Meir at Mesorah.com.” Perhaps more so than any individual in the past 800 years, Rabbi Meir Zlotowitz, zt’l, brought Jewish people back to their mesorah—their birthright of Talmud, their yerushah of Torah.

Rabbi Zlotowitz and his partner in a remarkable revolution, Rabbi Nosson Scherman, ybl’c, achieved something that others could only dream about. Rabbi Yisroel Salanter, founder of the Mussar movement, envisioned that perhaps one day there could be a translation of the entire Bavli. Reb Meir made it happen.

And, as everyone knows, it wasn’t just Gemara. The ArtScroll Mishnayos project is a masterful work. There is the Siddur, the Chumash, the Yerushalmi, the Midrashim. There is the Yom Kippur Kattan Siddur. There is the beautiful Tishah B’Av kinnos. ArtScroll has well over 2,000 titles—each one unique and exceptional. Because of Rabbi Zlotowitz, English speakers are now privy to the depths of the Talmud, the shmuessin of Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz, zt’l, Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel, zt’l, and others, the insights on tefillah of Rav Shimon Schwab, the Chofetz Chaim on lashon ha’ra, and the crystal-clear yet deep expositions of halachos by such poskim as Rav Binyomin Forst and Rav Simcha Bunim Cohen.

There is not an English-speaking Torah home in America that does not possess a sefer that Rabbi Zlotowitz published. There is almost no aspect or field of the oeuvre of Torah literature that was not reintroduced to Klal Yisrael in a language that they could understand—and with an unprecedented scholarship as well.

It could not have happened without “Meir being Meir.”

When he made up to do something, he did it. And at almost every juncture, his vision was initially dismissed as sheer madness. Yet his perseverance enabled him to achieve the well-nigh impossible. Rav Aharon Leib Shteinman was initially not a supporter of the ArtScroll Gemara project. He feared that people would no longer horveh on unfolding the latent processes of reasoning in the Gemara when it was handed to them on a platter. After he saw the ArtScroll Hebrew Yerushalmi, Rav Shteinman changed his mind. Reb Meir was there and shared a picture of Rav Shteinman giving shiur out of the Schottenstein Yerushalmi. Rav Elyashiv, zt’l, as well, learned out of the ArtScroll Hebrew edition. Reb Meir shared the picture with a number of people.

Meir had a remarkable gift of writing and presenting complex aspects of Torah to the reader so that the reader could truly comprehend it.

He was larger than life. He had enormous creativity, passion, and drive combined with a fantastic sense of humor.

Once in shul, Reb Meir had fainted into the lap of someone sitting next to him. The atmosphere was tense and grim. People were concerned. When he came to, Reb Meir realized what had happened. He gathered his energy and yelled, “Kohanim arois!” (“Kohanim out!”). The entire shul burst out in laughter. Even when ill, this was Meir being Meir.

One Shabbos during Parashas Zachor, he approached a young child who knew he was the publisher of ArtScroll. He whispered to the young man, “Come here. I work at ArtScroll. I know whether it is really ‘zecher Amalek’ or ‘zeicher Amalek.’ But I’m not telling anyone.”

I once met him at a local zoo on a Wednesday—when admission is free—on chol ha’moed Pesach. This was after ArtScroll had picked up financially. I told him, “Reb Meir, I understand why I am here today; I am in chinuch. But you? You are now a successful businessman.”

He responded, “Are you kidding? I have almost all of my grandchildren here, too. This would have cost me four or five times what it would cost you.”

I teased him about a comment in the first edition of the ArtScroll Shalosh Seudos publication. It said that shalosh seudos commemorates the three meals in which the evil Haman was handed over to the Jewish people, citing the Aruch HaShulchan. “How could ArtScroll have allowed this error to creep in?” I teased. He responded that it was a practical joke someone had pulled that had gone awry. I had my doubts. The three seudos in which “ha’man”—“the manna”—was given seemed more likely to be a 3 a.m. bleary-eyed rendering. The twinkle in his eye indicated that he might have agreed.

Reb Meir had a kindness and generosity of spirit that endeared him to people. When people were down on their luck, he not only helped them, he lifted their spirits by treating them with the utmost respect as equals. He was a friend to those who did not have friends. He understood pain. He was a kindred spirit to Ronnie Greenwald, a’h, and they were good friends as well. They worked on numerous projects together—helping others, helping Klal Yisrael.

He also had a deep and abiding relationship and friendship with the gedolei Torah of the last generation and of the current one. And they were his friends as well. Recently, Reb Meir spent an hour with the Belzer Rebbe on his last trip to Eretz Yisrael.

A while ago, one leading gadol saw him uncharacteristically feeling down. Reb Meir confided in him that he did not think he could continue with his dream of translating Shas into English. He was having enormous difficulty finding a sponsor for the second volume. The gadol encouraged him and loaned him $25,000 in order that he could continue.

But how did it all start?

Reb Meir was a talmid of Mesivta Tiferes Yerushalayim. He was a talmid muvhak of Rav Moshe Feinstein, zt’l, and later of his son Reb Dovid. His relationship with Reb Dovid became very close. They would speak each erev Shabbos.

After leaving yeshiva, Reb Meir entered the business world, printing brochures, invitations, and kesubos. In the meantime, he learned and continued in the high level of Torah scholarship as he had done while in yeshiva.

Reb Nosson Sherman, his partner at ArtScroll, once told me that “the ArtScroll revolution” was actually part of the aftermath of a tragedy in 1975. Meir Fogel, z’l, was a rebbe in a yeshiva who was a close friend of Meir Zlotowitz. He passed away in his sleep one night as a young man—he had married but had not had children. Reb Meir Zlotowitz was so distressed that he wanted to do something in memory of his friend, to give him a legacy. He had the idea of doing a translation and commentary of Megillas Esther that would be completed by the sheloshim.

Reb Meir asked Reb Nosson Sherman, a principal at Karlin Stolin, to edit it and add an introduction—which turned out to be the first ArtScroll publication.

The publication caught on and went through many printings before the first Purim. There was nothing like it before. It was a need that had not been recognized. They were encouraged to continue such work by the leading gedolim—Rav Moshe and Rav Yaakov. Soon they embarked upon the rest of the megillos too.

Reb Meir himself then penned an incredible commentary and anthology on Bereishis. The rest was history.

Reb Nosson Sherman remarked that it would be fair to say, “No Meir Fogel, no ArtScroll.”

This is not to say that the ArtScroll company would not have existed. ArtScroll was originally a graphic-arts company. Reb Meir was talented and artistic; indeed, he was a perfectionist. He created beautiful invitations and kesubos. He would later use these talents to create the masterpieces that the ArtScroll publishing house would bring forth.

One year during the Yamim Nora’im, Reb Meir had difficulty following which particular section to say. He commented, “That’s it. Next year I am coming out with a Rosh Hashanah Machzor that is clear.” And then he did.

While making that Machzor, they had a question about what to do when Shabbos was accepted but Ma’ariv was not yet davened. Is “l’eila u’l’eilah” added? They posed the question to Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky. He responded, “Ich veis nisht mir; daf freggen an alter gabbai—I don’t know. We will have to ask an older gabbai.” Subsequently they posed the same question to Rav Moshe Feinstein, zt’l. Remarkably, he responded with the exact same line.

Gedolim recognized the revolution that Rabbi Zlotowitz had wrought and of which all talmidei chachamim were the beneficiaries.

A number of years ago, Reb Meir showed remarkable personal strength. He had taken it upon himself to lose quite a number of pounds. He successfully kept it off. The loss of weight imbued him with a greater dignity. People commented that they did not recognize him at first.

A mere five weeks ago, he had trouble with his hip. He had suffered with arthritis for a while. That brought the realization that there was trouble with internal bleeding and issues of the liver. After transferring to NYU, there were further, dire complications. The family was called in, but miraculously he recovered. By Friday he was back to his usual self. But then he started bleeding internally once again. A short while later he passed away.

Thousands of people and the gedolei Yisrael have lost a friend. And Klal Yisrael has lost one of the most innovative and visionary minds of the past eight centuries.

Reb Meir is survived by his wife, Mrs. Rochel Zlotowitz, and a family of bnei Torah, including their children, Reb Gedaliah Zlotowitz (who is at ArtScroll), Reb Ira Zlotowitz, Reb Boruch Zlotowitz, Reb Chaim Zlotowitz, Mrs. Estie Dicker, Mrs. Faigie Perlowitz, Mrs. Devorah Morgenstern, and Mrs. Tzivi Munk, and, bli ayin ha’ra, numerous grandchildren. Some of his grandchildren attend TAG and Darchei Torah in Far Rockaway.

All of us should think about where Klal Yisrael would be if the ArtScroll revolution had not happened. What would have happened if a caring young man had not decided to make an English Megillas Esther to honor the memory of a friend who had tragically left the world without children? Reb Meir Zlotowitz, zt’l, was at the forefront of restoring the mesorah to Klal Yisrael.

He leaves Klal Yisrael with a twofold legacy—a shining example of what a human being can accomplish if he sets his mind to it, and an ever-growing body of Torah-true publications that embody the highest ideals of Torah and Mussar. Reb Meir, tehei nafshecha tzrur b’tzror ha’chaim. We will all miss you.

The author can be reached at yairhoffman2@gmail.com.

Turning the Tables on the Constant Test of Summertime Immodesty

By Rabbi Yonah Levant

The 1st Mishna is Pirkei Avos, Chapter 2 says:
Rabbi [Yehuda haNasi] said:…
Be careful with a minor mitzvah (commandment) as with a major one, for you do not know the reward for the mitzvos. Consider the loss incurred for performing a mitzvah compared to its reward, and the ‘reward’ received for sinning compared to the loss….

The two parts of the Mishnah, the encouragement to keep mitzvos, and the steeling oneself to avoid aveirah, seem to be distinct and can be fully understood independent of each other. It seems.

I saw a chiddush (novel insight) that manages to link the סוֹר מרע (turn away from bad) with the עשה טוב (do good) in a way that can have a very big impact on a person’s entire relationship to Hashem.

This is based on what we all intuitively know – that it is most worthwhile to daven to Hashem during an עת רצון (time of divine favor). “Worthwhile,” in terms of having one’s tefilos heard and accepted. The Ohr HaChaim on the pasuk ואתחנן אל ה’ בעת ההיא לאמר (and I davened to Hashem in that time saying) explains that the בעת ההיא (in that time) meant that it was an עת רצון (time of divine favor), and that is why Moshe davened then. Moshe knew when it was an עת רצון (time of divine favor) and he took full advantage to daven then.

Wouldn’t we love to know when there is an עת רצון (time of divine favor), or better yet, be able to create such a thing, by ourselves!

Rav Yitzchok Zilberstein shlita of Bnei Brak quotes the Ba’al Sefer Shomer Emunim who says that whenever one does a mitzvah, it is an עת רצון (time of divine favor). And especially when one sees inappropriate scenes, pritsus (immodesty), and one looks away with proper שמירת עיניים (guarding of one’s eyes) , that creates a עת רצון (time of divine favor) such that your tefillos will certainly be accepted by Hashem.

What does this mean to us? What does it mean to us who live in a very degraded generation in terms of tsnius (modesty), and what does it mean to us in terms of our lives as Jews, in the Big Picture.

Before this insight, a person might feel overwhelmed by a non-tsnius (immodest) world, especially in the summer, where one is put to the test all the time. A person might end up feeling aggravated endlessly, that the world is so antagonistic to Torah observance. You can’t look around and walk around like a normal person. You always have to be on edge, like in a battle.

And Shemiras Aynayim (guarding ones eyes) is a tricky business, since willpower doesn’t stop your optic nerve from working! The Ran in Nedarim says (I don’t have the source location) “אבל עיניו ואזניו של אדם אינם ברשותו, שהרי על כרחו יראח בעיניו ובאזניו ישמע.” – (but the eyes and ears of a man are not his possession, because one sees with his eyes and hears with his ears, even when he doesn’t want to). So, it’s a mitzvah where you practically start off on the wrong foot all the time! You see something inappropriate and only then do you look away.

If you need to be on the street, or driving, etc. you can’t prevent your eye from seeing something un-tsnius (immodest) if it (or her) steps right in front of you. The chiyuv (obligation) is obviously to look away immediately. So, it is a nisayon (test) of great proportions, considering that a healthy human being is not Parev (neutral) about these things. It pulls at a person’s very base nature. If the mitzvah of Shemiras Aynayim (guarding ones eyes) was to avoid looking at wool, it would be much easier to observe, even though wool is also everywhere! Nobody has a deep desire for looking at wool!

So, a person can be exhausted and aggravated from the ongoing nisayon (test) , even if he is successful! Or, chas v’shalom (G-d forbid), a person can give up the fight, and not keep the mitzvah, and abandon that level of kedushah (holiness) that Hashem wants of every single Yid.

With the insight of the Shomer Emunim, a person can change each nisayon (test) of Shemiras Aynayim (and any other aveirah nisayon (trangression test)) into an opportunity for tremendous dveykus (closeness) to Hashem. When one looks away, one can proclaim “Hashem, I am yours, I do not belong to the street! And since I am yours, and since I am overcoming my desires, for You, please help me with…” A person can become Davek to Hashem amidst the shmutz of our world. A person can grow, because of the opportunity hidden within the nisayon (test). “I am not looking Hashem, because I am yours! I am not theirs!”

Rav Zilberstein in his sefer טובך יביעו ח”ב עמ’סח quotes an unnamed Godol who said that a person who doesn’t practice Shemiras Aynayim sullies his davening and learning which require Kedushah. But it also robs him of his ability to get real pleasure and sweetness from learning, and davening, and the like.

You essentially end up switching the forbidden pleasure for the pleasure Hashem wanted you to have in dveykus (closeness) with Him through a geshmak (wonderful feeling) in learning, a heartfelt davening, etc.

I think it was the Steipler Gaon zatzal who was quoted (2008 Men’s tsnius asifah in Lakewood, Rav Wachsman drosho) as saying that when a person foregoes a forbidden pleasure, because of Hashem’s Will, then he will get a תשלומים, an equivalent, a replacement pleasure through Avodas Hashem. He will find real pleasure, real earthly pleasure in davening, or learning, or some other kosher venue. You will not lose out, says the Steipler Gaon.

Let us all try to turn this constant test into an opportunity to have our prayers answered, especially in this troubling time.

Flourishing in the Emotional Dimension

This is the next in the series on Four Dimensional Flourishing.

The components of the Emotional Dimension are positive emotions, specifically love and awe. The flourishing currency is happiness. The good habit we need to create is connection and the deterrent is ego.

Our Sages tell us that the key to enduring happiness is a feeling of completion or wholeness which can come from an appreciation of what we have, accomplishment, or building good relationships. We’re going to focus on happiness generated by good relationships.

Jewish mysticism teaches that our positive emotions are rooted in love and awe. Love is a connection to another person based on an identification with his positive qualities. Awe, along with its honor and fear components, is a connection based on a recognized hierarchy.

Relationships between man and God and between child and parent have strong components of both love and awe. The husband and wife relationship is built mainly on love with some mutual components of awe. The relationship between friends is built primarily on love.

To increase our happiness, we need to improve our connections to people. When meeting a person, ask yourself two questions: “How can I give to this person?” and “What can I learn from this person?”

Giving is not limited to physical things, it includes advice, showing you care by inquiring about the other’s welfare, and offering words of encouragement. Learning from others includes not just subject-matter information but appreciating insights offered from their unique vantage point.

The main deterrent to creating positive connections is our ego. As Dr. David Lieberman says “The body wants to feel good, the ego wants to look good and the soul wants to be good”. When we are driven by ego, we want to look and feel superior to others.The Mesillas Yesharim says this is an extremely difficult challenge to overcome. The desire to be on top leads to the negative traits of envy, pride, honor and anger, each of which builds barriers to connection.

The key to negating the ego is humility. In his famous letter, the Ramban prescribes that we should view every person as greater than ourselves. If the other person is wiser or wealthier, we must honor him for that. If he is neither wiser nor wealthier, we should realize that he is less guilty than we are, since we have fewer extraneous pressures to sin and we have greater knowledge of Torah. This approach will allow us to subvert our ego and develop better relationships.

Let’s take a look at a simple example of how a focus on subverting the ego and understanding hierarchy can produce flourishing:

A friend walked into a local store where a wealthy man was talking to a clerk. He wasn’t being nasty but he was clearly asserting his authority over the clerk within the discussion. The clerk was responding appropriately, although he didn’t seem happy about it. When it was our friend’s turn, the clerk, seeing that she was a young woman, started asserting his authority over her and was not being so nice about it. Our friend, who had recently learned these concepts, recognized the hierarchies at play, understood the workings of the ego and kept her emotions in check, allowing her to respond without anger.

In summary, the path to happiness in the Emotional Dimension is to increase our connection to people, primarily by giving to them and learning from them. The deterrent to these connections is our ego. We can overcome the need to feel superior by developing the trait of humility.

Musical Chairs – Chapter 8E – Dropping the Shadchan

Chapter 8E

On their second date, Asher and Raheli talked for six hours neither of them checking their watches even once.

“What could you possibly say to each other for all that time?”, Molly asked. Asher just giggled into the phone line.

“Sounds good “said Nahum.

“Our dates weren’t like this.. I mean we didn’t talk for four hours ”

“No,” said Nahum. “But hey, I’m glad he’s excited..”

“Do you think these kids fall in love,” asked Molly.

“I didn’t think so. I never thought shidduch dating included romance buy hey this sounds like love.”

In the morning Esther phoned Molly to arrange the third date “This should be a day time date.”

“Tell your son to take Rahely to the biblical zoo.”

But Asher resisted. “Mom

Rahely doesn’t like zoos. We thought of going to the Tayelet to ride the Segways”

“Okay, I’ll tell Esther, but when she called Esther, reaching her on the ninth attempt she got an earful.

“Molly do you live under a rock. Didn’t you hear the news? A rocket almost landed near the Tayelet yesterday.
Asher can’t take Rahely there. The Silvers will think he’s irresponsible.”

Molly called Asher back. “Please, listen to her.—”

But Asher refused to back down. ” What do you want us to do? Make funny faces at the orangutan.”

“Please, just got to a hotel. Esther’ is giving me a terrible time. Listen Asher, do you want to blow this. She’s saying that the Silvers may pull out. Please….”

“Okay Mom, The King David. and then we can walk to the kotel”

Date three was very much like dates one and two . At the end of the date Asher and Rahely swapped phone numbers. “Lets be in touch directly, Not through the matchmaker,” said Rahely.

“Fine what about we go to the dead sea . We’ll travel separately so no one will see us and then we can meet there.”

Rahely agreed.

As he rode the bus back from Rahely’s parents apartment after the date Asher decided that he was ready. Rahely was it. As the sun set over the Dead Sea, he’d ask her hand In marriage.

He analyzed each of the formulations as if they were Talmudic phrases. There was “Raheli, will you marry me,” which gave her a choice—but what if she chose to say no. Or he could say “Rahely will you be my wife,” That sounded cold but the alternative “Raheli I want to marry you,” seemed too forceful. Like an actor learning his lines, he practiced the each of them still not sure which one to select. And he worried that his throat would betray him, his vocal chords shutting down just as he was about the pop the question and the Rahely would conclude that something was wrong with him and break it off.

The morning after date #3 Esther phoned Molly as she was ironing.

“Nobody in their right mind takes a girl to the Dead Sea. Dead, It funerals, corpses. That’s not the kind of imagery we want to conjure up.”

“But the Dead Sea is beautiful.”

“Beautiful, shmeutiful. It’s not a place to take a date and besides Rebetzin Silver is horrified that your son would dare to let her daughter travel for three hours alone on a hot bus—especially with everything that is going on. You’d better talk to your son this time or this shidduch is going to self-destruct.” The words made her so dizzy that she put down her iron and grabbed the nearest chair to sit. Then she phoned Asher.

“No Dead Sea.” Her tone was sharp and edgy, as if she’d caught Edie’s mood.

“But Raheli loves the Dead Sea “From his tone, it sounded as if they were an old married couple.

“Esther said no.”

Asher grew silent. Molly overheard the symphony of hundreds of young voices merging in the ancient Talmudic dialectic.

“Okay … we’ll meet at the Crowne Plaza instead.”

“And afterwards please bring her over. Your father and I would like to meet her.”

“Are you sure”

“You’ve met her parent’s right? ”

“Yes but….”

“But so bring her over tonight.”

“Okay but just make sure that nobody’s home except you and Dad.”

Molly jumped up in the air and clapped her hands together. She twirled around the living room singing the lyrics from West Side Story. “Tonight, tonight won’t be just any night.” She felt like she herself had fallen in love. Then took another look around. In the harsh morning light the scuffs and dents and scratches on her furniture had become all too apparent.

“This place is a mess! I don’t want to kallah to think that we live in squalor.”

“They’ve had four dates. I think it’s a little premature to refer to her as his bride.”

“These kids, they get right to the point. They can see into eachother’s souls without distractions.”

“Okay, I get it but I still don’t want to see Asher rushing into anything.”

“Oh c’mon,” said Molly. “Let’s accept this in the spirit of gratitude.”

Molly spent most of the day getting ready. She gave the living room a thorough washing the floors and windows and even taking down the dusty drapes, washing them and hanging them back up and she baked chocolate chip cookies, lemon bars, brownies and blondies. Then she showered and applied fresh makeup. Then she put on her wig and her newest outfit, , a silky sleeveless top which she wore with a long sleeved shell underneath a black pencil skirt and a pair of high heeled wedgie sandales.

“How do I look.”

” Fine but It’s not your date,” said Nahum. Then she returned to the kitchen to lay the cakes and cookies out on a silver tray with a doily underneath and she prepared a pitcher of lemon aid with ice cubes and lemon slices floating in the sweet water.

“Gourmet. Can I have one?”

“Wait. Otherwise you’ll mess up the symmetry,”

“How did you keep everyone else from eating them.”

“Elazar is in yeshiva, I think…and I sent Moshe and Bella to the pizza store with a two hundred shequel note. and told them not to come back until 10.”

“So you’re thinking this will take a while.”

“Well I’m sure we’ll have a lot to talk about.”

Moishe Bane is Striving to Put Spirituality Back on the Orthodox Map

One of my personal highlights of the Jewish Heritage Center dinner is my opportunity to spend a few minutes talking to the Dinner Chairman, Moishe Bane. Moishe was a member of my Shul before he moved to Lawrence. I purchased his house when he moved, and still live in it today. We’ve remained in contact over the years and I always get an update on his latest exciting projects and his insights into the workings of the Orthodox Communities of America.

In the April 20, 2017 issue of Mishpacha, Eytan Kobre tells us about Moishe’s agenda as the new president of the OU:

When a newly appointed head of a major Jewish organization chooses the promotion of spiritual growth and serious strides in Torah learning and mitzvah observance as major organizational priorities, that’s a cause for celebration. And that’s precisely what Moishe Bane has done as the new president of the Orthodox Union (OU).

In his President’s Message in the latest issue of the OU’s Jewish Action quarterly magazine, Mr. Bane asks some very honest, searching questions of himself, his constituents, and all of us. After describing the frenetic nature of contemporary life, which, between work and other responsibilities, leaves precious little time for those people and things that are most precious to us, he asks:


With these, and many other, unavoidable responsibilities and demands, I often wonder how there can possibly be time for one to focus on religious growth. And when making choices for our children, are we preparing them for lifelong spiritual growth — or just casual observance? Is spirituality even on my radar screen, or do I satisfy my time allocation to Judaism by davening, even if it is often way too fast and with far too little focus? Can I buy my way into religious adequacy by writing a bigger check to the local day school or chessed organization? And what about learning Torah? Can I check that box, even if I so often merely scan the words and watch the time, waiting for the shiur to conclude or the page of Talmud to be completed?

…I know life is all about my soul, its nurturing and growth. I know Judaism is all about developing a relationship with G-d. But where is the time? And even when I find some time, how do I make the time meaningful and actually develop this relationship? If I have difficulties getting into the groove of religious growth, is it any wonder that, when teaching Judaism to my children, I am not placing lifelong spiritual growth on their radar screens?

He proposes that the OU complement its long-standing efforts to enhance observant Jewish life through its activities in kashrus, advocacy, and other spheres, and should “now also encourage and assist us, American Orthodox Jews, in pursuing more vigorous growth in our religious lives.” As a past national lay chairman of NCSY, he witnessed the “excitement, creativity and dynamic Torah-oriented programming” it invested in its outreach programs for Jewish teens, and expresses the belief that “if Judaism were as inspiring to us as it is to those NCSY students, we would find the time to focus on religious growth.”

Among his aspirations are that his organization give Jews “guidance on how to study Torah, the most essential tool in pursuing religious growth, in a manner that is meaningful and engaging… tools to convert our daily prayers from a meaningless mouthing of words into an actual, genuine conversation with G-d,” and help in transforming Shabbos into “a deeply and intensely religious experience.” And one more crucial one: “Finally, we need guidance on how to mine the deep and magnificent beauty of Torah and our mesorah, to help those of us who perceive halachah as a restrictive array of rules and dictates appreciate it as a personal treasure of empowerment and elevation.”

These are challenging times, with individuals and institutions that have formally organized to promote beliefs and practices in the name of Orthodoxy that are entirely foreign to it, which would be unrecognizable to those who lived and died by the Judaism of the ages. They are wooing Jews who know not any better, and surely there is a need to speak out against these developments and to counteract them directly.

But the things Moishe Bane is looking to do and put the OU’s signature on, the religious nutritional therapy he is recommending in order to nurture the internal, spiritual growth of individuals and communities alike, is another, very positive form of response. When Jews discover and partake of the unparalleled experiential riches of genuine Yiddishkeit, other, counterfeit movements simply cannot compete and their allure vanishes.

Getting to Know Your Thoughts

Rabbi Itmar Swartz (Author of Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh)
Link to post from which this post was excerpted.
Link to whole sefer on this topic.

Our Goal – Reaching Our Soul So That We Can Become Close To The Creator

We will attempt to study the power of machshavah (thought) in a person.

“The end of actions is first with thoughts”. First we need to learn what the purpose of this study is before we learn about what it is.

The purpose of learning about our thoughts is not for the sake of developing our thoughts, but it is only a tool to reach a greater purpose – to reach our soul.

There are three parts to the soul – the Nefesh, the Ruach and the Neshamah. To be specific, the Nefesh is located in the liver, the Ruach is in the heart, and the Neshamah, which is the Godly intellect of a person, is located in the brain[1]; the Neshamah is the highest part of our soul. Building up our mind is thus essentially to reveal our Neshamah. The reason why we should want to reveal our Neshamah is because we want to become close to Hashem. The Rambam[2] writes that we are attached to Hashem only through our minds, and that is why we should want to develop our mind.

In short, that is the purpose of this book. We will now, with the help of Hashem, begin to explain the foundations of how we build our power of thought.

Our Thoughts Can Take Us Beyond Our Limits

What are our thoughts? Thoughts are termed by the Sages as “a bird flying in the sky.” A person can be lifted up by his thoughts and fly away from where he is, when he thinks of something that isn’t in front of him.

All of the physical senses – such as smell, hearing, and speech – have limits. The root of all senses is the brain, but the brain itself can go above limits. Thoughts are not limited to any one place or time – a person sits in one place, but his thoughts can go to another place. This is why thoughts are called “a bird that flies in the sky”, because thoughts can fly above all boundaries!

However, the disadvantage to our thoughts is that we can fly too much with them. Our thoughts, if unbalanced, will be unstable and fly around too much, just like birds that can fly wherever they please.

We are referring to the problem of dimyonos – imagination. When a person’s thoughts take him too far, he enters into his imagination. Reb Yisrael Salanter[3] wrote that a person’s imagination roams around to go wherever it pleases – which is detrimental. Our thoughts can take us away to faraway places that we should not go – the imagination. Most people who have not worked on developing their thoughts are wandering around with their mind, and their minds are lacking stability.

When it comes to our abilities to act and talk, most people are able to stay focused. But when it comes to our thoughts, people usually don’t focus and go from one subject to another in their minds, and all this takes places very quickly.

This is why we see that most people who haven’t worked to build their thoughts have a problem in that their heads are wandering around all day with all types of thoughts. They are lacking a stability in their thoughts.

When it comes to our actions, we don’t jump too quickly from one action to another; we stay focused on what we are doing before we start something else. When we talk, we usually do not jump from one kind of conversation to another within three words; we focus on the topic at hand. But when it comes to thoughts, we think many different things in one minute!

This is unlike our actions and our speech, which we usually don’t lose focus on. Of course, our actions and our speech could also use some improvement, but with our thoughts we can see clearly that we are jumping around too much.

If a person goes over what he thought about the entire day, he would discover that he thought about thousands of different things each day. Our thoughts literally fly around like birds in the sky.

Forming A Place In Our Mind To Build Our Thoughts

If we don’t develop our thoughts, they wander to far-away places that we shouldn’t go – places which our mind doesn’t belong in.

It is written (Mishlei 24:3), “With wisdom you shall build a house.” In order to build anything, one needs wisdom. If a person’s thoughts are roaming around, he lacks structure to his mind.

The root of this is really because ever since Adam sinned, the world became mixed up with good and evil, and so our thoughts as well are all mixed up. This affected our thoughts to become shaky and unstable, lacking a certain groundwork to hold it up.

In order to build up our thoughts properly, we need to first build a foundation to lay the ground upon. Just like when you want to build a building you first clear a big space on the ground so you can have a foundation to build it on, so do we need spiritual groundwork in order to build up our thoughts.

This is the root of beginning to build it – we need the ground to build it upon. Without this solid foundation, our thoughts will not last, just like a building that isn’t founded on anything; it will topple over.

If we try (and with the help of Hashem, we should succeed) to build and understand what this groundwork for our thoughts is, then we will be able to have the groundwork to be able to build our thoughts. But before we learn how to actually build our thoughts, first we must know what the groundwork of it is.

The Effect Of Our Thoughts

Before we` build up our thoughts, first we need ground to lay upon its structure. This groundwork we need is essentially to enter a new world. We need to enter a whole different world if we are to begin building our thoughts.

The ground we need to build upon our thoughts with is not from this physical world. Just like if you go to the moon you will find different material there than on the earth, so will we need different material to build our thoughts — a spiritual kind of material. We will explain what this is.

What is this groundwork we will need? People usually think that thoughts aren’t real. We think, let’s say, if we have to do something or not…but what we actually think doesn’t seem to be reality. But the truth is that thoughts are real. How do we see this?

The Sages (Avodah Zarah 20b) warn a person not to think lewd thoughts during the day, because if he thinks such thoughts, he will become contaminated at night. Why does this happen? It is because when he had these thoughts, these thoughts were like reality to him. The reality of these thoughts are revealed at night in his sleep.

Thoughts are reality. In the example of one who thinks about forbidden thoughts, we see this in an evil usage. But the very reality of our thoughts can be either evil or good.

In the case of one who thinks evil, he is laying the “ground” for his thoughts by giving in to his thoughts for an evil desire. The evil thoughts are then built up on this ground, and eventually he will commit evil acts as well from those thoughts. He absorbs the evil thoughts during the day, which lays the groundwork for the building of further evil thoughts.

From a superficial viewpoint, thoughts seem to be intangible. But from an inner viewpoint, which is the truth, there is nothing more clearly felt than a thought.

The Downside of Spirituality

An Excerpt from Rabbi Noson Weisz: To Believe or Not to Believe, That Is the Question

The downside of spirituality is that it is infinite. There is no limit or measure to the spiritual union that one can form with God who is infinite Himself. You have to give it your all without reservation. Mediocrity is just not acceptable.

Moses was a great teacher and an inspiring leader. But to attach yourself to him you had to be willing to live purely on the manna. He drove his followers to a life of unalloyed spirituality, to maximum attachment to God. It was not by accident that the food available during his tenure as leader was the manna. Manna was the sort of food that matched Moses’ vision of the purpose of existence; the Jewish leader is a conduit for transporting the Divine emanation that sustains the world; Moses provided the wherewithal of survival for a spiritual life. He was not able to serve as a conduit to God for the provision of meat.

The meat they sought in the desert was not our sort of meat; we have no manna to eat as an alternative; to the desert generation meat was the antithesis of soul food; it was being demanded by people who were interested in indulging their physical desires and retreating from their level of spirituality. To be able to obtain such food from Heaven, Israel needed other leaders, who were not on the high spiritual plane of Moses.

“But you who cling to YHVH your God, you are all alive today.” (Deut. 4:4) How is it possible to cling to God when it is written in the same passage “For YHVH your God, He is a consuming fire” (ibid., 24). How can a human being cling to fire? He should connect with a Talmud Chacham, a Torah scholar. (Talmud, Kesubos 111b)

The gulf between Moses and the ordinary Jew is too great to bridge in one step. First one must connect to slightly lesser people and be inspired by them to grow spiritually until one is ready to connect oneself to Moses. Without the help of the elders Moses could not supply any meat.

Read the Whole Thing

Musical Chairs – Chapter 8D – Asher Has a Great First Date

Chapter 8D

In his latest shmooz Rav Benzi had a new message.

“When you are out with a girl don’t lose your head — even if she’s the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen.. Listen carefully to what she is saying and how she is saying it.” He repeated himself as if repetition would seal his message onto his listeners’ brains. Asher arched forward his hands pressed on his cheeks.

And yet Asher had, no dates scheduled Scarcely a week had passed since he’d met Sarena but he was gloomy. . “It’s dead. Nobody wants me, ” he told Itamar Levi when they returned to their room.

“Well there are other matchmakers, amuka, forty days at the kotel…”

“Yeah.” Asher’s head hung low as he hunched over his dormitory bed. “That might be a vision of my future. ”

“It’s not so bad.” Levi smiled

“Are you still seeing that girl? ,”Asher asked.

“Baruch Hashem,.”

Just then Asher’s phone rang. It was his father.

“Can you go out tomorrow night?”

That was a first, a date offered by his father of all people. He wasn’t a mystic but the timing, the call coming on the heels of Rav Benzi’s talk convinced him that this was more than this. coincidence; it was bashert, preordained. He didn’t use to think this way. Just a few months ago he would have demanded more information and certainly a photograph but his cancer scare had changed him. Marriage wasn’t a game. It was a mitzvah part of his pact with G-d, something he needed to do and according to Ethics of the Fathers he was four years late. He couldn’t put up roadblocks anymore. If his father said he should meet this girl, then he would.

“Yes, that’s fine,” he said. He didn’t even ask her name.

Asher meet Rahely at the same hotel where he’d met Elisheva Lefkowitz seven months before. Raheli’s parents brought her. Her father was a stout grey-bearded man in a black rabbinical coat and a homburg , her mother thin, scrawny looking, plain. Would Rahely look like her in thirty years?

Rabbi Silver quizzed him on his learning, but the questions were easy and superficial. His smile was warm and his handshake solid.

Rahely was tiny,. Even in heels Rahely barely reached his chin and Asher was average height. . How could he marry someone who was so short? Their kids would be midgets. Otherwise she wasn’t bad looking but her cheeks were red and bumpy, her eyes tiny dark slits but her smile was electric and her laugh was filled with music.. They sat together until a waiter warned them that if they didn’t leave soon they’d miss the last bus home.

“Yes too bad, ” said Rahely. “I usually hate these things. They are so awkward, but this has been lovely.”

Asher ‘s face turned warm and flushed.

Her words energized him. He took her home by taxi and then spent a half hour lingering at her door saying goodbye. When he got back to the yeshiva his room was empty. Good. He didn’t want them to ask questions. He would keep this quiet, to avoid the evil eye. As he brushed his teeth he hummed the Jewish wedding song his feet tapping along. Was Rahely doing the same thing? He hoped so but then he remembered Sarena Feldman. He’d come back from that date humming too but she rejected him. Looking back, he was glad. She may have been prettier that Rahely, certainly taller, but he liked Rahely better. There was something about her, chemistry. They laughed at each other’s jokes, liked the same music, the same books, the same places.

“Please ,” he prayed ” Let Rahely want to see me again too.”

Just as he was about to sit down to breakfast his father called. “Esther phoned. she says that Rahely wants another date. I’m really happy for you but can you call her yourself.”

“Sure , not a problem.”

This wasn’t the way things were usually done but Asher didn’t mind. He was glad to be in charge of his own dates.
He left his breakfast cottage cheese with a few slices of bread and a half a tomato untouched., Nothing would happen to it and he slipped out to a nearby playground. The place was deserted, only him and a very young mother and her pudgy faced toddler daughter, who played quietly in the sandbox.

Asher paced the circumference of the park punching Esther’s number into his phone over and over again the mother eyeing him suspiciously. . On the eleventh try he got through.

“Yes, she said she likes you. She wants to see you again” With that Asher leapt into the air and yelled yes, but the mother had already grabbed her daughter and they were making a hurried exit from the park.

“Esther, excuse me for a second…”

“Lady,” he yelled. “I’m not a terrorist,” but she’d already left.

He resumed his conversation with the matchmaker trying to schedule the next day as quickly as possible.

“Don’t see her today. Give her another day or two to digest this.”

“Why?. I like her . She likes me..”

Esther’s voice dropped an octave. “Please, just listen to me. I know what I’m doing. The date will be the day after tomorrow, And in the future I’d prefer to deal with your father or mother, not you.”

“My parents are okay with whatever I do. Just tell her that we’ll go wherever she wants to go Whatever is convenient for her. ”

After that Esther phoned Nahum. “Please, I’m in shul. Asher is an adult.”

“Yes he is but he isn’t . I know my business. If you want me to continue you’ll have to cooperate.”

“So call my wife.”

Molly was on her way to a new exercise class, soul cycle, dance moves performed on a stationary bike when Esther phoned. “I thought Nahum would be handling this.”

“He told me to call you. Doesn’t anyone in your family talks to one another”

“How dare— Molly was just about to give Esther a piece of her mind when she caught herself. “Please , give me a minute.”

She poured herself a glass of ice water and took long slow sips. No she couldn’t yell back. Esther had introduced Asher to a girl he actually likes. And yet she still felt insulted.

“I’m going to phone you. You are my contact person from now on and you will relay the messages.”

“But I think things went better without me.” Molly was was the kiss of death. Every match she’d researched or proposed had been torpedoed . For once she’d stepped out of seemed to be going.

“Your son can’t do it and your husband isn’t available. You’re going to have to take my calls.”

“Okay,” Molly felt like a private saluting a general. If only Esther weren’t so annoying but the circumstance beyond the call excited her. Asher seemed to care about this girl and she seemed to care about him. Love was in the air and she had a contact high.

If you Really Want Unity, Stop Sleeping!

Yisro 5774-An installment in the series of adaptations
From the Waters of the Shiloah: Plumbing the Depths of the Izhbitzer School
For series introduction CLICK
By Rabbi Dovid Schwartz-Mara D’Asra Cong Sfard of Midwood

… and Israel camped there opposite the mountain

-Shemos 19:2

 וַיִחַן[the singular form, the pasuk does not say that the Israelites camped there. This indicates that they camped there] “as one man with one heart”, but all the other encampments were [on bad terms] with complaints and strife. — [from Mechilta]

-Rashi ibid

I am HaShem your Elokim who brought you out of Mitzrayim, from the place of slavery.

-Shemos 20:2

Sleep is one 60th of death.

-B’rachos 57B

Many meforshim commentaries address this question: why is HaShem’s calling card in the 10 commandments so provincial?  Why does He introduce Himself as “the One who brought you out of Egypt” rather than as “the One Who created the cosmos”?

Conventional wisdom views sleep as, at worst, a benign activity.  When sleeping we recharge our batteries, no more and no less. But the Izhbitzer school takes a much less sanguine approach to slumber than we do.

The Bais Yaakov, the second Izhbitzer, explains that that when one is asleep there is a kind of disintegration and dissolution at work.  It is only the wakeful, conscious mind that integrates a human being into an organic whole.  Under the sovereign direction of the mind and soul all of the body’s organs, limbs and digits work towards the attainment of the common goals that are mutually beneficial to the person as a whole.

Asleep and in a horizontal position the human head is on the same plane and level as all the other limbs and organs of his body.  This is true both literally and metaphorically.  The position of the recumbent sleeper is that of the proverbial level playing field.  It is an egalitarian posture in which no one member of the body has any pre-eminence or dominance over any other.

Then, the soul begins to stir the body into wakefulness and the human being transitions from a horizontal position to a vertical one.  The life-giving soul stands the person up and, by doing so, establishes a hierarchy (a shiur komah) in which the feet scrape the floor and the head, containing the mind and soul, is at the very top of the pecking order.

Our sages teach us that we don’t wake up merely because, when our batteries are fully recharged, so to speak, we are “done” sleeping. Instead it is because our souls, mostly absent during slumber, have been restored to our bodies.  This concept underpins the first words we utter upon waking “I admit to You, O living and eternal King that You have compassionately returned my soul within me, Your trustworthiness is abundant” and the morning blessing that is part of our daily liturgy that begins with the phrase “my L-rd, the soul that You put into me is pure etc.” It is only when we are awake and vertical that our diverse limbs, organs and faculties become truly incorporated into a united whole.

In stark contrast; death does not merely render the body inert and motionless. Death initiates the dissolution of the human being.  In death, anatomical connections begin loosening and the body breaks apart. The teaching of our sages can now be understood to mean that the disintegration of sleep is 1/60 of the decomposition, and utter disintegration, of death.

The unity that K’lal Yisrael   the Jewish People, achieved prior to the Revelation at Sinai was more than preparatory, it was anticipatory. As HaShem’s Shechinah Divine Indwelling, began shining forth from Sinai, it was the macro-soul beginning to enter the slumbering body of K’lal Yisrael that blended the various tribes and the conflicting interest groups of Israel into an integrated organism “as one man with one heart.” A plural, multiplicity of “Israelites” fused together to become “Israel” in the singular.

Rav Gershon Henoch, the Radzyner Rebbe spells out his father’s Torah more explicitly:

The aseres hadibros are most commonly translated as the 10 commandments.  However this translation is both literally and factually inaccurate.  The translation is erroneous on a literal level, because dibros, a plural form of dibur, translates as “sayings” or “pronouncements.”  Factually imprecise, because only the last nine dibros are expressed as  mitzvos-commands, the first one is not.  The opening of the Decalogue is a statement of fact, a presentation of credentials, as it were.

On the macrocosmic level the head and soul of the cosmos is HaShem Himself.  The Radzyner explains that it was K’lal Yisrael ‘s clear, expanded consciousness of HaShem’s Oneness and Omnipresence, that nothing and no one but He truly exists – ein od m’Lvado, that exerted an irresistible tug on them to follow the Head, the Mind and the Soul and, as such, to coalesce and form an organic whole.  With this clarity of G-d consciousness a command to believe in G-d was not only unnecessary, it was inconceivable.  It would have been as if a person’s two legs began walking in opposite directions or if his respiratory system began hyperventilating without any physical exertion and the mind would suddenly need to verbalize a command saying “hey YOU pay attention, I’m in charge here!

This explains why the first of the aseres hadibros ends with the limited “the One who took you out of Egypt” rather than with the universal “the One Who created the cosmos.” For if HaShem is the Omnipresent Soul that animates everything and all, what is it that is unique about K’lal Yisrael in particular?  The answer to this question is contained in the exodus experience.  The letters that spell the word Egypt, Mitzrayim, also spell the word constraints, metzarim.

When HaShem brought K’lal Yisrael out of Egypt He was also unshackling them of all the narrow-minded constraints that conceal and camouflage His control and management of the cosmos.  The balance of humanity was never liberated from these.  HaShem’s control and management of the cosmos is beyond their comprehension.  When “introducing” Himself to, and into, K’lal Yisrael HaShem informs them that it is only because I brought you, in particular, out of Mitzrayim /metzarim that you were uniquely capable of integrating and uniting to sense my Divinity, the Mind and Soul that directs and animates all.

There is a minhag Yisrael kedoshim   Jewish custom, of staying awake throughout the first night of Shavuos.  The Magen Avraham494 bases this minhag on the midrash that says that the Jews “overslept” the Revelation at Sinai and that kivyachol  so to speak, HaShem had to awaken them. We stay awake in order to be metaken  put right, the negativity generated by those who overslept.

I would add that the Izhbitzer insight adds richness and complexity to this custom. Oversleeping the Revelation was much worse than a breach of etiquette or an extremely poorly timed  slothful self-indulgence. It was antithetical to the entire experience and to the first of the dibros in particular. At the foot of Mount Sinai, organic unity for K’lal Yisrael was both the prerequisite for, and the direct response to, HaShems Revelation. The souls (re HaShems) return to the body (re K’lal Yisrael ) requires one that is awake, alert and able to coalesce and integrate, not one that is disintegrated through death-like slumber.

~adapted from Bais Yaakov Yisro 40 (pp113B, 114A)
Sefer Hazmanim , First Day Shavuos 5643 D”H Vayeechan page 61

Shavuos – Not Just Another Uber Driver

The Talmud relates [Pesachim 68b] that Rav Yosef would make a tremendous party on Shavuos. He would say, “If not for this special day (on which the Torah was given), look how many Yosefs there are in the market place”. Rabbi Frand explains “If not for the fact that I as a Jew have that precious gift of Torah, I would literally be ‘just another Joe'”.

On a recent Uber trip, one of my kids got into a discussion with the driver about Judaism. The driver was amazed that a Torah Observant Jew can’t eat whatever (s)he wants, can’t wear whatever (s)he wants, can’t say whatever (s)he and can’t do whatever (s)he wants. The driver remarked that he does basically anything that he wants.

What the driver missed, and what we often take for granted, is that just basic Torah observance, Shabbos, kashrus, etc, makes us great. Chazal teach that Hashem created man with a yetzer hara for desire, egocentricity and laziness and only by following the antidote of Torah and its commandments, can we rise above our base nature and become great human beings, with the possibility of connecting to people and connecting to Hashem with all our actions. When we heed the directives and follow the mitzvos of the Torah we unify the world and create a reality in which “Hashem will be One and His Name will be One”.

The Mesillas Yesharim is structured around the beraisa of R. Pinchas ben Yair which states:
“Torah leads to Watchfulness; Zeal; Cleanliness; Separation; Purity; Saintliness; Humility; Fear of Sin; Holiness; Divine Inspiration; the Revival of the Dead.”

It starts with Torah and every step is infused with different aspects of the Torah: the warnings of the Torah, the mitzvos of the Torah, the learning of the Torah, the middos of the Torah and more.

Shavuos is the time for us to raise our commitment to Torah and to growing well beyond an Uber driver in the marketplace. Chag Someach!

Yom Tov – Finding Our True Source of Happiness

R’ Itamar Shwartz
Download Rav Shwartz Shavous Talks here.

Defining The Joy of Yom Tov

The unique mitzvah of all three festivals is that we have a mitzvah to rejoice on Yom Tov. Chazal state that the mitzvah of Simchas Yom Tov (joy on the festival) is fulfilled through meat and wine.

Yom Tov is a revelation of our happiness, and it also shows us what makes us happy. The meat and wine only satisfies our nefesh habehaimis, the lower and animalistic part of our souls, but this is not the entire simcha of Yom Tov. It is only needed so that we can give something to our nefesh habehaimis to satisfy it, because if we don’t satisfy it, our nefesh habehaimis will rebel and get in the way of our true, inner happiness.

Therefore, if a person thinks that Simchas Yom Tov is all about dining on meat and wine, he only satisfies his nefesh habehaimis, and he only knows of an external and superficial Simchas Yom Tov. Woe is to such a person!

What is the real happiness of Yom Tov? The possuk says, “And you shall rejoice in your festival.” Our true happiness on Yom Tov is the happiness we have in Yom Tov itself. It is to rejoice with Hashem, Whom our soul is thirsty for. It is from this that we derive the depth of our happiness, on Yom Tov.

“The righteous rejoice in Hashem.” When a person lives a life of truth, when he lives a very internal kind of life, his entire happiness is “in Hashem.” He is happy “in” his feeling of closeness with Hashem and with His Torah – the place where true happiness is derived.

So Yom Tov, the time to rejoice, is the time in which we discover the happiness we are used to. It is a time to discover if our main happiness is coming from externalities such as meat and wine (for the men) jewelry and clothing (for the women) and candy (for the children) – or if our happiness is coming from an inner place. It is only inner happiness which satisfies our spiritual needs – our Nefesh HaElokus (G-dly soul).

Yom Tov is thus not just the time in which we rejoice, but it is a time in which we clarify to ourselves what our soul is really rejoicing in. On Yom Tov, we do not just attempt to ‘connect’ ourselves to happiness, as if happiness is somewhere on the outside of ourselves. The festivals are called regalim, which implies that we reveal from within ourselves where we are habitually drawn towards, where we really are.

When a person never makes this internal clarification – when he never bothers to search himself outside, and he never discovers what truly makes him happy – he is like a dove who cannot find any rest. Yom Tov to him will feel like a time of confusion; he is like the dove who could not find any rest from the mabul (the flood), which is from the word bilbul, confusion.

A person should cleanse himself off from the desires for this world’s pleasures and instead reveal his thirst for the true happiness.

Making This Assessment

When Yom Tov arrives, the first thing we need to clarify with ourselves is: If Yom Tov really makes us happy.

You should know that most people are not really happy on Yom Tov – not even for one second do they really experience Simchas Yom Tov! [This is not just because the Vilna Gaon says that the hardest mitzvah to keep is Simchas Yom Tov, due to the fact that it is for a 24-hour period lasting for seven days. We are referring to a much more simpler and basic level, which most people do not even reach].

Most people enjoy some moments of relaxation on Yom Tov, but they never reach one moment of true simcha. If someone experiences even one moment of Simchas Yom Tov, he has begun to touch the spiritual light of Yom Tov.

In order to reach true simcha on Yom Tov, we need to remove the various bad habits we have towards the various ambitions we have that are not about holiness. We must remove any “thirsts” we may have for things that are not truthful sources of pleasure. When we begin to feel our souls’ thirst for its source – Hashem – we will find our source of happiness there.

A person needs to discover: “What makes me happy?” If someone’s entire happiness on Yom Tov comes from meat and wine, then according to Halacha he has fulfilled Simchas Yom Tov; he has made his nefesh hebehaimis happy, but he did not reach the goal of Yom Tov; he did not reach “And you shall rejoice in your festival.” He hasn’t even touched upon the real happiness of Yom Tov.

The three festivals are called the regalim. They have the power to awaken us to spiritual growth, and to know what is making us happy. From knowing that, we are able to continue that very same happiness and extend it into the rest of the year.