Do you remember your first Yom Kippur as an observant Jew?
How has the experienced changed over the years?
Has the fast gotten easier?
Has the daven gotten easier?
In what ways do you have a greater appreciation of the day?
What advice would you give to someone who says they can’t relate to such long davening or to one of the central themes-all the sacrifices?
I have since becoming frum found tremendous drama in the recitation of the Avodah in a Nusach Sfard shul. The repeated chorus of “achas; achas v’achas; achas v’shtayim; achas v’shelosh; achas v’arba; achas v’shesh; achas v’sheva,” counting the Kohen Gadol’s sprinkling of the blood, is very dramatic. One year, I looked at an illustrated Mishnayos (really meant for kids) which had the whole Avodah in a series of pictures (a big help in visualizing what was happening). Also the four kneelings that occur; I don’t do those (I think women are p’tur), but it is quite dramatic to watch the men all get down on the floor, then get up, almost like they are acting out the actions of the crowds at the Bais HaMikdash over two thousand years ago.
Neilah itself ushers in a sense of urgency: it’s the very last moment, the Gates of Mercy are going to close; it’s one last chance to get in our final prayers. Our rav once commented, “Think about what if you could take back last year’s Neilah.”
Added incentive for Tov-Shin-Ayin-Gimmel: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, that supreme rasha, will be speaking on Yom Kippur afternoon at the United Nations and proclaiming how the Jews should be exterminated. Our prayers only are our weapons against this Evil One who wants to kill all of us! (Think about how he has hidden one atom bomb marked “The Jews of Tel Aviv” and another atom bomb marked “The Jews of New York City”).
When I was a kid growing up not frum I thought that Yom Kippur was only for old ladies. Now that I am a grandmother myself (we won’t use the term old lady), the ladies’ section in my shul is filled with earnest little girls aged 5 to 14, all davening fervently from their machzorim (with sticker tabs helpfully put in by their Morahs in Bais Yaakov). It is quite interesting that Viduy has something for everyone, so to speak (the little girls clop on “disrespecting parents and teachers,” while we older adults who no longer have parents or teachers find other unfortunately more relevant sins).
I grew up very traditional and we always fasted the entire 25+ hour fast. I can’t say it’s gotten easier (even w/o caffeine), but it has become much more meaningful in my 30+ years as a BT.
And, the davening has become more enjoyable once I became more familiar. I am Sephardic & YK in a Sephardi shul is a very uplifting experienc but now I actually know the meaning of the tefila.
I totally accept Rambam’s explanation as to the rationale for the korbanot. Yet I still find the details of the YK avodah fascinating and I look forward to hearing them every year.
@tesyaa, I did fast before becoming frum, but certainly not all the way until Tzeit Hakochavim. Probably closer to 6pm-ish. I never went to Ne’ilah, even at the Reform shul, until my year in Israel.
Just curious, did most BTs here NOT fast before becoming frum? I know many, many people (and even more growing up) who fasted religiously every Yom Kippur but would not consider themselves, or be considered “frum”.
I recommend praying in advance for an easy fast on Yom Kippur, starting the day after Rosh HaShanah, or even before Rosh HaShanah.
It seems to work.
As a teenager in a shul where many Jews attended shul for three days a year on RH and YK, fasting was difficult. However, once we started davening in shuls , both in my wife’s hometown and where davening was the key point of the day and I really began to prepare in earnest for the Yamim Noraim,, both the fast and the davening became far more meaningful and enjoyable.
I’m glad to have come across this now because it reminds me (better late than never) that I wanted to go through the viduiy at the end of the Artscroll machzor, where each avairah is broken down into e.g.”gazalnu…did I make people wait for me and steal their time?” rather than keep klopping me by rote without truly knowing the ins and outs of each avairah. I also like to print out inspiring articles that I could go over when I’m drifting e.g. during chazoras hashatz. The women began looking forward to these articles, with a number of us swapping with one another, helping us to reorient ourselves during our weaker moments when we were more focused on when the break would begin or when we could eat already.
Preparing for YK can take many forms. As far as the iossue of Karbanos are concerned, IMO, there is no better explanation of the subject than Ramban in Parshas Vayikra where Ramban strongly disagrees with the view of the Moreh Nevuchim. Going thru the Machzor and familiarizing oneself with the fact that the Tefilos are built on the teshuvah of the individual and the community is IMO a critica; component. One simple way of preparation is to listen to the tapes of R Yisrael Williger on RH and YK, which is a great way of just reorienting oneself to the tone and importance of the Yamim Noraim. I personally tend to go thru Al HaTeshuvah ( drashos on teshuvah from RYBS ZTL) as well some aspect of the Avodah ( a shiur from RYBS ZTL as well) and other halachic and hashkafic works such as some parts of Maamarei Ymei Ratzon ( R Wolbe ZTL) as a means of enhancing my own sense of the Kedushas HaYom.
The traditional tunes (including the basic “Nusach” for each section) are an important part of my experience. When the shaliach tzibbur really knows them, I’m more moved by the content itself. When, instead, mediocre folk or pop tunes are attempted to lighten up the day for some reason, I begin to think more in “music critic mode” and less in “pray for your life or else!” mode”. This could be more my problem, but others may be like me in this respect.
Do you remember your first Yom Kippur as an observant Jew? Yeah, but I really had no clue what was going on in the davening (even with an Artscroll)
How has the experienced changed over the years? I now realize that this is a day unlike any other, when we can truly get close to Hashem simply by following the few mitzvos of the day.
Has the fast gotten easier? Only if I ween myself from coffee two days prior. lol
Has the davening gotten easier? Only if I look through the machzor prior.
In what ways do you have a greater appreciation of the day? See my answer for the second question.
What advice would you give to someone who says they can’t relate to such long davening or to one of the central themes-all the sacrifices?
I would suggest the chapter from “Rabbi Frand In Print” titled “4 Questions to ask on Yom Kipper” (or something like that). It’s great and really helps me focus. I read it every year.
Regarding sacrifices, this is tricky b/c it really is such an abstract concept to us. Korbonos (sacrifices) were used to allow us to get closer to Hashem. The root of the korbon is “karov”, to become close. In essence we gave korbonos to get closer to Hashem. They were vehicles to help perfect ourselves.
I have not seen a source directly for this (but Sefer HaChinuch, IIRC, says several times that korbonos are related to ethical perfection), but I think that just as today so many Jews spend time studing Mussar, Chassidus, or machshava to make themselves “better Jews”, back in the day, our ancestors did this by simply giving korbonos.
Great questions!!
JDMDad reminds me when I was in college and about the only thing Jewish I would do was fast on Yom Kippur. One year, I went with my (non-jewish) roommate to HoJo’s afterward and ordered the all-you-can eat fried clams. My roommate could only look at me and shake his head after I downed the third plate. Talk about blowing up your clean slate! I feel like I have to repent for that one every year!
When I was growing up, Yom Kippur was a day where my family went into the shul just before the Torah’s removal, and left soon after Yitzker. Then about 5 pm we’d go out to eat at some all you can eat place to break the fast. The day didn’t really have that much meaning for me other than getting out of school.
The first time I kept a full 25 hour fast, oh, I was going nuts! I think I focused more on my hunger than on the prayers and services. But the next year wasn’t so bad, and I started looking more at the meaning of what was being said. The tunes were always pleasant, but wow, the meanings were beautiful as well.
I can’t say I completely overlook the hunger now, but it no longer controls me (helps that I gave up all caffeinated beverages five years ago). But I’m totally into the service, sometimes not keeping up because I’m reading more into or about something we just covered. But that’s what my rabbi encourages anyway.
I don’t know what advice I would give though, since each person has their own path into something like this. What I learned is don’t try to absorb the whole day in one big gulp. Find pieces this year, add more next year, etc. It’s an evolutionary process.
Understanding the prayers has become easier, but the fasting might be more difficult.
In Elul I start praying that all Jews be granted a very easy fast on Yom Kippur, and I continue to repeat that prayer until Yom Kippur.
It seems to me that many of the piyutim we recite on Yom Kippur are not really necessary. I suspect that the Yom Kippur prayer services were deliberately lengthened to last the entire day, so Jews would stay inside synagogue the entire day instead of going outside and getting into trouble by eating, working, or just plain sinning.
If I were in charge of a synagogue, I would eliminate most of the piyutim and some of the less important prayers, so Musaf would finish around 11:45 AM.
To reduce overcrowding, I would not allow children under age 10 in the synagogue on Yom Kippur. They are not obligated to be there, and excluding them creates more space for the adults.
As a addendum to David’s Viduy advise, the Artscroll Yom Kippur machzor has very good translations and explanations of every part of the Viduy in the back. I use it during the actual Viduy itself.
For the very new BT try a beginner’s service in your local Shul or Kiruv center. That was my very first step! (as it may be for many who only went to shul on the high holy days.)
Oh, I skipped the part about how my YK has changed.
I definitely think that the longer repititions in davening have become more meaningful, if only because of familiarity.
Reading/studying much of the available english explanations/elucidations of the viduy have made my viduy more meaningful. Some of the handwritten notes that I made in the viduy book I’ve been using for nearly 20 years (back when I had the opportunity to spend hours a week in classes discussing the YK tefillah) are the most meaningful and thought provoking. I find that personal notes in a machzor focus me, slow me down and cause me to think before I daven.
I also think that I have a more serious yet less depressing attitude toward YK and a greater appreciation for the opportunity that YK brings.
For me, it’s never an easy day but it’s not supposed to be. As they say, nothing worthwhile is easy.
Review the service before hand.
Try Rabbi Apisdorf’s Survival Kit.
Speak to a Rabbi that knows you well about when in the service you should take a quick break or read some interesting, relevant material.
Try to get a good night’s sleep.