15 Responses to “What Strategies Do You Use to Reduce Loshon Hora?”

1. Bob Miller
   July 18th, 2012 @ 9:27 am

   Before venting about a person, take time to consider the downside of doing that. Is there no constructive way to solve the problem you want to vent about? Even if a problem looks impossible to solve, venting can make it worse. The momentary relief of letting off steam may have no value at all in the big picture.

   Note that there are times when the Chofetz Chaim and others permit negative speech for a truly constructive purpose. If you don’t know the rules, you can’t apply them.

2. Neil Harris
   July 18th, 2012 @ 10:57 am

   Rabbi Moshe S. Gorelik’s's strategy, listed on the link you provided, seems great:
   The realization that man is created in the image of God inspires the highest appreciation for others. Lashon hara is a manifestation of a disregard of a person’s worthiness. The antidote to this negative attitude is contained in the words of Pirkei Avot/Ethics of the Fathers (3:18): “Beloved is man, for he
   was created in the image of God.” Hence, respect for the other person is respect for the image of God. And thus, the regard for the worthiness and dignity of fellow human beings leads to a society of good will and beneficial fellowship.

   The best thing I have tried to do (and usually fail in the heat of the moment) is to think clearly before speaking.

   BTW, thank you for posting this. I have been looking for the story about R Yisrael Salanter’s hat (pg 18) for a while, but I forgot which Maggid book it was in.

3. meir zev
   July 18th, 2012 @ 9:18 pm

   Why is it that learning the Chofetz Chaim’s seforim is missing from the list? They should be incorporated in strategies one through five with the list published here being strategies six through thirteen.

   One would also do well to try http://guardyourspeak.blogspot.com/

4. Mr. Cohen
   July 18th, 2012 @ 10:50 pm

   Avoid becoming a victim of Lashon HaRa by revealing as little information about yourself as possible. The less people know about you, the less they can slander you.

   Even seemingly harmless information about you is not always as harmless as it seems.

   For example:

   If you tell someone which school you attended, then that person can speak to people he knows from that school to get all the “dirt” about you from when you attended that school; and once he gets the “dirt” he can tell everyone he knows, even if the “dirt” happened 50 years ago.

   Only reveal information about yourself when they really need-to-know, not to just make casual conversation.

5. Bob Miller
   July 19th, 2012 @ 12:40 pm

   Mr. Cohen wrote above, “The less people know about you, the less they can slander you.”

   And, of course, the less they can praise you or become your friend, too. Why not judge Jews in general lechaf zechus?

   How do they establish a “need-to-know”; must they submit a notarized form in triplicate? We can judge these things fairly with a less rigid approach.

6. Judy Resnick
   July 19th, 2012 @ 4:13 pm

   I try to keep in mind the famous saying: “Superior people talk about ideas. Mediocre people talk about things. Inferior people talk about other people.”

   Also, we have a rigidly enforced rule that nobody sitting at the Shabbos table is allowed to mention other people by name. If a name does get mentioned, that’s my cue to holler: “WE DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AT THE SHABBOS TABLE !!”

7. Bob Miller
   July 20th, 2012 @ 9:55 am

   Judy, what about people named in the weekly Torah parsha, tzaddikim in the news, etc.?

8. Judy Resnick
   July 23rd, 2012 @ 8:44 pm

   “WE DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AT THE SHABBOS TABLE!”

   During the month of August to September, this mantra morphs into:

   “IT’S ELUL. WE DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AT THE SHABBOS TABLE!”

   No one has a tayva to gossip about the people in the weekly parsha, they’re dead; everyone wants to talk about the Ungerblattshpielmeisterbergs who live four blocks away.

   Tzaddikim don’t get into the news unless: 1) they die; 2) a close family member dies; 3) some politician puts on a kippah and goes to visit Tzaddikim to win votes.

   People don’t want to talk about Tzaddikim unless they have a nice juicy little piece of Motzi Shem Ra (an outright lie) which is even worse than Loshon Hara (“But it’s TRUE!”) but much more jolly because it’s so thrilling to besmirch a pure holy person.

9. Bob Miller
   July 24th, 2012 @ 9:59 am

   “People don’t want to talk about Tzaddikim unless they have a nice juicy little piece of Motzi Shem Ra (an outright lie) which is even worse than Loshon Hara (“But it’s TRUE!”) but much more jolly because it’s so thrilling to besmirch a pure holy person.”

   Judy, this generalization sounds like a slur on all of us.

10. Judy Resnick
    July 24th, 2012 @ 5:02 pm

    Nobody on this site gossips about Tzaddikim. So of course it couldn’t be a slur on anyone here.

11. Bob Miller
    July 25th, 2012 @ 7:50 am

    I meant “us” as in “orthodox Jews”.

12. Judy Resnick
    July 25th, 2012 @ 5:31 pm

    Orthodox Jews don’t indulge in crude gossip about Txaddikim. Orthodox Jews are exalted people who tell uplifting narratives about the great ones of our nation.

13. Bob Miller
    July 26th, 2012 @ 9:40 am

    Judy, would you grant that many Orthodox Jews really are as you describe above (July 25th 2012 17:31) ?

14. Charlie Hall
    July 26th, 2012 @ 7:36 pm

    One thing that has helped me is that when I post anything to the Internet I always use only my real name.

    Would that we didn’t engage in lashah hara and motzi shem ra about those with whom we disagree. Some of my rabbis have been the target of some of the worst slanders, from people who should know better.

15. Ron Coleman
    August 1st, 2012 @ 9:28 pm

    Great idea, Charlie.

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