It’s the greatest night of the year with the potential for tremendous growth.
How do you get the most out Pesach?
a) Share lots of vorts on various parts of the seder.
b) Focus on performing the mitzvos of the night in the best possible manner.
c) Read the Hagaddah with praise and thanks for Hashem.
d) Keep everybody interested by props, questions, stories…
– For your non-observant guests, how have you been successful in maximizing the evening for them?
Do you mo
It’s a wonderful thing to have extended family at the seder, but the more family (and cousins) you have, the more of a distraction it is for kids, say, under 8. Sounds crazy, but even though we’ve been making a seder almost every year since we’ve been married (even though my wife’s an FFB), I secretly (shhh…don’t tell her) wish we could have a seder with just the immediate family (And then let the cousins out of the closet for the rest of the time?)
We have some Resnick family traditions for the Seder night that are hard to give up. Spouses of married children who join us from different family traditions just have to smile and accept “that’s the way the [meshugana] Resnick mishpachah does things.”
All the kids (nowadays it’s the grandkids) get a chance to say Mah Nishtanah, not just the youngest. They take turns. Finally everyone says it all together.
At “Matzah Zu,” we sing a ditty about “the matzah’s in the zoo.” At Pesach, Matzah, Maror, we sing another tune, “What are they all for?” These tunes are from a Pesach tape the grown kids heard nearly twenty years ago when they were little.
We use 5-oz. juice glasses for the Kosos. My husband and son and sons-in-law use silver bechers. When the first Seder night is a Friday night my husband uses one of the juice glasses just for the first kos, Kadesh.
It generally takes us about 2 to 2-1/2 hours to get through Maggid to the actual eating of the Matzah and Maror. We reach Shulchan Aruch at about 12 midnight. Since Chatzos is approximately 1 AM, we get through the festive meal in one hour. Long ago I eliminated the fish and salad courses from the Seder night meal. We go right from egg in salt water to soup to main to dessert. Then the Afikoman!
Those who are brave and not drunk remain at the table singing with gusto the Seder songs of Chad Gad Ya and Echad Mi Yodaia. Me the wornout balabusta clears off the table, piles the dishes into the sink, puts away the edible food and throws out the inedible food, and finally collapses into bed hopefully before three AM.
Starting the seder as early as possible makes it possible to finish at a reasonable time.
Guests can help by bringing: matzah, kosher for Passover wine, hagadahs, kosher grape juice [many people cannot drink wine], and divrei Torah.
The hosts will certainly appreciate these things, and experience shows that you can save a seder from ruin by bringing these items, because hosts are not always as prepared as they should be.
Here’s what I do, based on trial and error over the years:
1. Focus on telling the actual story (i.e. the mitzva of sipur yetziat mitzraim) and understanding and explaining the words written in the hagada, with an emphasis on making it engaging and educational for children. (see 3 below for what this precludes)
2. I use props and funny voices etc to make the kids interested.
3. I have a rule regarding “vorts” –children can say them whenever they have something to say, adults have to wait for the meal to say them unless it illuminates the part of the hagada we are reading at that moment (it’s not enough for adults for that part of the hagada to be a jumping off point).
4. Try to waste as little time as possible, i.e. this means have everything ready beforehand (harder the second night but an effort can still be made within the obvious constraints). I have been to sedarim where hours pass but the actual time spent on the hagada is very little.
Separately, I highly recommend the essay in Siftei Chaim of Rabbi Chaim Friedlander titled something like “Keitzad Nikaym Mitzvat Sipur Mitzraim” –it is great for focusing one on what we’re supposed to take away from the experience with kind of a road map of how to get there.