With Chanukah a week away here are some questions:
Do you give your children presents?
Do you give your spouse a present?
Do you refrain or moderate your gift giving because of the proximity to Xmas?
What would you tell a new BT about giving presents?
To Mordechai Y. Scher #6: You are an extremely wise man.
Rabbi Avigdor Miller zatzal used to encourage husbands to give their wives gifts, big and little, frequently. It’s all about Shalom Bayis: a wife feels appreciated and loved when she gets a gift from her spouse. The exact occasion is not important, but never forget her birthday and your wedding anniversary!
The halacha encourages giving gifts to family members for Yom Tov, by way of enhancing the joy of the holyday. Does Hanukah have to be different? Why should it be? I try to get my wife a suitable something for Pesah or Sukkot, I buy her flowers for Shabbat; why wouldn’t I also get her something for Hanukah?
My husband & I do not give each other gifts, mostly for lack of $$. We encourage our (not frum) extended family to keep it small, usually $18. I make up a few envelopes with varying small amounts of cash ($2,3,5,10) or gift card for my kids. Sometimes I’ll give a small gift like fun colored socks/tights or pajamas or a game or puzzle we can play with as a family. My kids have no concept of Xmas b/c they were brought up in the yeshiva/BY system. Xmas is not their reality. I’m the one who is uncomfortable (i.e. paranoid) with it even remotely being compared to Xmas. I don’t think it would enter my kids’ minds to compare Chanukah to Xmas even if there were more gifts.
We give our children. We give each other. We try to moderate mainly for budgetary reasons. If you’re a new BT and have decided it’s not “frum” to give gifts but have an urge to do so please feel free to send me some. :)
Christmas is non-issue, especially here in Israel. However, even in the states when our older kids were younger it wasn’t an issue. There were so many issues like this we worried about when the kids were little which now with the hindsight of having 3 adult children we know were really non-issues. A kid (at least my kids) growing up in a frum neighborhood, who goes to Yeshiva, and is basically enveloped in Jewishness associates gifts on Chanuka with…well…Chanukah.
That said, we don’t give any gifts on the first night. That allows everyone to focus on the holiday, the candles, the dreidel, the latkes and the sufganyiot.
Whatever you do, have a Happy Chanuka!
We usually give a small gift to the kids. We definitely don’t go as crazy as when I was a kid, and some years got a present every night.
The kids are usually more excited about being able to light their own menorahs anyway. :-)
We usually order a Jewish book for each family member at home.
We give each of our children $18. They give maaser on it and then are free and clear to spend it how they wish. Bubby also gives a modest amount of gelt with the same parameters.
We have decided not to give gifts in order to make a strong demarcation between our holiday and its values vs the predominant culture. In fact, even many Xians have done this in recent years in an attempt to make their own holiday more spiritual and less materialistic.
We actually like to give our kids gifts at other times of the year. They always get an afikoman present, usually Jewish books. By Rosh Hashana the girls get a piece of jewelry and the boys usually get a new yarmulka and tzitzis. We save toy-giving for birthdays only.