Please let us know how it went. Hatzlocho Rabo. You have the opportunity to make a wonderful Kiddush Hashem. Also, enjoy the time together because I did see how someone said they would give anything to have their family together again. I couldn’t agree more.

Oh, and make sure you bring the most amazing kosher turkey or stuffing or cranberry sauce or carrot cake. That’s the icing on the cake! :)

It was all a bit crazy, and I was home with the baby all day while DH walked 1 mile plus to shul and back after plus davening, but we went back after havdala to peace, instead of the grouchiness on both sides that would have occurred if we had stayed over Shabbos.

Maybe not as easy if you’ve stayed at their house before. Have you called the local shul about accomodations? Have you asked the ILs if they have a preference to you leaving Friday vs. coming back after Shabbos?

I definitely agree that you don’t want kids in the position of “hating” Shabbos and the grandparents possibly enticing them towards problematic pastimes. Maybe swapping T-day by them and by you alternate years would work?

When I was a kid, we had 3 family homes that swapped off hosting to equalize the traveling vs. cooking work. Just because.

The refrigerator light has been mentioned in several comments. That should not be a problem. Bring some packing tape and tape down the switch. After Shabbat, remove the tape and wash off the glue. I do that every week in my own home.

Bring a few Shabbat timers, a few nightlights and maybe a small lamp or two.

If you are worried about the relatives tampering with the crockpot, you can live without cholent. Check with your rav about the use of Shabbat hotplates (plata) and timers on the hotplate, and bring one of those with you to warm other foods. If that’s not an option, bring meat or some other foods for sandwiches. Bring plenty of pastries from home to bribe all concerned.

Everyone at some point spends Shabbat in a place where shul is not accessible and there is no eruv. Often this is during trying circumstances. It is best for kids to learn how to adapt to such a situation in a pleasant atmosphere.

I think an interesting discussion by itself might be whether we have a different or weightier responsibility in something like ‘honoring parents’, given the potential for both positive and negative perspectives on Judaism resulting from our actions with family and old friends?

We have flown in from Israel, and made Shabbat at parent’s non-observant homes. Also drove the three hours from Mass. to CT later on. True, not my ideal atmosphere. But now, almost ten years after my father’s death, I still have wonderful memories of him sitting at the table which was cooperatively set by my mother and wife and hearing kiddush and make a motzi. And we always took walks in the neighborhood, or took advantage of my parents’ library while there. And when the children were with us, it was a tremendous opportunity in respect and love for family for them.

We have also rushed home for Shabbat. A three hour drive back then. The worst stress was ‘what if an accident or weather keeps us from making it on time?’ As for food and such, we planned it out before going to CT and kept it very simple. Okay, so one Shabbat we won’t have a gazillion courses on the table. But that relaxing of the routine allowed us time with family with all the importance that has.

Nowadays, my mother lives in assisted living and it isn’t very convenient for Shabbat, even though she has her own nice apartment. So I stay there during the week. If I am staying through Shabbat, then I go to someone else for Shabbat and return when Shabbat is over to have extra time with my mother. She knows I keep Shabbat. She knows it is important and inviolable to me.

So, all the options have worked for us. Our parents know we keep Shabbat and kashrut, etc. They know they can’t expect us to alter that. We, for our part, are a little flexible and give up some nonessentials in order to have time with family. It requires some knowledge and flexibility. Now, when my father is gone and the others are all quite old, I am very glad that we made the efforts and spent time with them and continue to do so.

“How about bringing your in-laws home with you after your Thanksgiving feast under the guise of “we really want to spend more time with you – it means so much to the kids – and you’ve already done so much for Thanksgiving, let us do Shabbos…”. I’m sure that would be totally truthfull!”

Yes, parents really can drive us nuts. One day, we will presumably drive our children nuts. (I have an adolescent, so actually I already do). How would you want your children to relate to you in such a situation?