Let me just say that there have been several times when I have come very close to fleeing Judaism completely because of children in shul.

There is still a good chance that I may dump Judaism completely after 25 years as a Baal Teshuvah, and a very big part of that is the unbelievable suffering I have experienced from children in shul.

Children in shul have ruined my Judaism, ruined my happiness and ruined my life.

The synagogue Rabbis know that children in shul are a violation of Halachah, but if they want to avoid getting fired, they must keep their mouths shut on this issue.

Nathan,

That certainly is the halachah, and we must follow it.

While we may think our children are at the “age of chinuch,” not every visit to shul is going to work out as expected. We have to try to acclimate them to shul when we think they are ready. However, if it is not going well on a particular day, we have to get up in mid-service and go home, for the sake of all concerned. We also have to try again the next week or shortly thereafter.

Mishnah Berurah on Orach Chaim, Siman 98, Sif 1, Sif Katan 3:

The Shelah [Sefer Shnei Luchot HaBrit, written by Rabbi Isaiah Horowitz, born 1565, died 1630] rebukes those bring young children to synagogue, meaning those who are below the age of chinuch, because they play and dance in the synagogue.

When children play and dance in the synagogue they profane its sanctity and confuse the minds of the congregants. Also, when they become older, they will not cease from the bad way of their childhood, to play and offend the sanctity of the synagogue.

But if they have reached the age of chinuch, on the contrary, they should be brought to synagogue and taught the paths of life, to sit with awe and fear, and not move from his place, and he should be encouraged to answer AMEN to kaddish and kedushah…

“The primary purpose of prohibiting young children from attending in shul is to prevent them from disturbing the adults.

This prohibition has the additional benefit of preventing young children from becoming vaccinated against prayer.”

Nathan, I understand your first point, and I would like to expand on your second.

If young children associate the synagogue as a place where they can’t act like young children, they will come to resent the synagogue and it’s reason for existence, which is prayer.

It is best to delay bringing children to shul until they are at an age where they can be smoothly integrated into public prayer.

We need to be prepared to leave early and take them home if things aren’t working out as expected. When my kids were young, if they acted up in shul, I would take them to the lobby for one breather. If they didn’t settle down upon our return, we would leave and I would complete my prayers at home. I would try to make the trip home as much fun as possible, so they would not feel that they were being punished for acting their actual age, rather than what I thought their age should be.

I think a parent should determine when their child is old enough to go on occasion, and the child should be sitting right next to the parent. Shacharis should be last; a shorter tefilah like Mincha is appropriate for the younger child. The infrequent occasion can progress to more frequent shul visits. When a child begs to go to shul, and sees it as a privilege to sit near daddy, misbehavior is rare, and “forcing” never comes into play.

A shul is for tefila, not a day-camp, and the responsibility belongs to the parent. Those shuls that offer activities and structure for children are doing an incredible chessed that should not be seen as a normal, to-be-expected component of a shul’s activities.

Not an optimal situation, true. Suggestion- make davening exciting for your child, don’t let them go to shul too early and hold them back when they wish to, doling it out slowly- they should feel that going to shul is a privilege. Once the child is older and going regularly, try to have dad or another family member/friend walk with the child to and fro (or drive), so it is always seen as an opportunity for good conversation- they will look forward to private time, and make wonderful and positive associations with the tefila time.

Many schools generate a lot of excitement in the earlier elementary years when the children are “allowed” to say another tefila in shacharis- there is a slow buildup to full Tefilah that is very exciting for the children. Then, they get a lot of positive feedback for the davening.

Children don’t have to be dragged, forced, etc. I know many children who are not “vaccinated against tefilah”, fortunately.

In this book, in the reading for Shevat 22, on page 142, Rabbi Twerski teaches:

“ALL halachic authorities state that children who are too young to be able to sit quietly in shul, should NOT be brought to shul.”

The primary purpose of prohibiting young children from attending in shul is to prevent them from disturbing the adults.

This prohibition has the additional benefit of preventing young children from becoming vaccinated against prayer.

Mishnah Berurah on Orach Chaim, Siman 124, Sif 7, Sif Katan 28:

THE LITTLE ONES. It is necessary to train them to stand in awe and fear [in the synagogue]. And especially the little ones, who run around the synagogue and play, it is better to NOT bring them, because habit becomes nature, and they will disturb the congregation in their prayer.