In the Hamodia, an article was written about Rabbi Gavriel Noach Holtzberg and his love for all jews. A man who became observant because of the Rabbi’s ahavas yisroel was interviewed by the author. He said that all the times he stayed at the Chabad House in Mumbai, the rabbi never brought up Judaism with him. This man learned about yiddishkeit just by watching the pure actions of Rabbi Holtzberg and his amazing mesirus nefesh.

Rabbi Holtzberg was successful because he saw each Jew as a precious diamond, and that is how we should look at each Jew.

As poignant as your experience is, Tevya, this statement is far from valid. Perhaps it would be more accurate to focus on your locale. Or, conversely, get out a bit and discover the incredible world of Orthodox Jewish hospitatlity. If you’d make it to Jerusalem, my home is one option!

Really now. As much as we must continually point out what needs improvement in the community of Torah devotees, let us not forget that by the end of the day it’s not about seeking others to comfort us, but seeking to comfort others – especially our Creator, as it were. That comfort also happens by HELPING OTHERS HELP YOU.

Like the Tsedaka seekers try to do to me every tfilla. I’m not always into it, but occassionally one asks in a way that makes me pleased to give to him.

Judgment goes two ways.

As per the Chanuka tfilla: Danta es dinam, G-d judged our judgements. So that’s it. We no longer need to!!

When I taught I learned that students do not want to learn anything from a teacher who doesn’t respect them. It is a total turn off. That means we have to find something to latch on to, to respect in everyone we meet. Then the doors open.

When i was vegetarian, as soon as someone heard i was vegetarian, they would engage me in ethical debate and start defending their own eating habits. Same when i was training for racing, “oh i would train if only” i would hear “i just don’t have time, motivation…” or insert any number of excuses.

People feel that just because someone else is engaged in “proper” behavior, then this person must automatically be judging them for not having this behavior.

A better way, is if they do see someone religious, is to be inspired rather than “con”spired so to speak. and from the religious persons point of view, they should seek to inspire and not judge as well. They should see this as an opportunity to teach not preach. “This is what I do” because…rather than this is what YOU SHOULD DO…that tends to turn people off, and seems more like judging.

Mark:

What it means, as far as i’m concerned, is being understanding. If, as R’ David Tzvi Hoffmann taught, someone who doesn’t know any better is an omeir mutar (i.e. not meizid = shogeig), and someone who does something because they believe it’s the right thing to do is a case of ónes, that’s not just “guilty with explanation” — that’s ‘not even liable for punishment’

One: part of the problem lies in people’s misunderstanding of what others think, based on their own insecurities or immaturity, which can be summed up by the saying: when I was in my 20s I was sensitive to what people were thinking about me; when I was in my 30s I decided that I no longer cared what people thought about me; and when I reached my 40s I realized that no one was really thinking about me all along, they had enough of their own problems to think about!!

Two: in today’s world, people feel uncomfortable with anyone who claims to know or believe “the truth.” The mere fact that we claim that Torah is emes makes people very uncomfortable and feel judged for doing otherwise. This is especially true of Jews who deep down yearn to be a “good Jew.”

That said, it is of course not our place at all to judge other people. One way of avoiding it is by trying to learn from everyone. When we view ourselves as superior, the other person *is* likely to feel judged, and may well feel antagonistic to our values. There is so much negative potential for ourselves and for the other person in judging them, and very little positive. So there is no good reason to cause another person the pain of feeling judged. And we have so much opportunity for growth by trying to learn from others. Who is wise? The one who learns from everyone.

Oh, and Dave, the “Hechsher Tzedek” sounds to me like a nice idea. I have heard about it for a couple of years at least, and it never occurred to me that Orthodox Jews would feel judged by it. But I guess that fits in with my first paragraph above.

Not only does he believe that, I bet he enjoys the “black sheep” persona. My brother is like that. He enjoys purposely going against Judaism. He went out of his way to tell my mom that he has a Christmas tree.

Charnie’s example of the boy who told the non-frum girl that you can’t drive on Shabbat is the perfect example of this. If the non-frum mother was comfortable with her level of observance, she would just tell her kid, “that’s the rule in Moshe’s family, but it’s not our rule.” Instead, the non-frum mother is upset that a kid told her kid a true statement of that kid’s beliefs.

But unfortunately, it’s the bad encounters that stick most in people’s mind. I was involved in one kiruv organization. We had a great day at an amusement park. I can only remember two things from that day. I had a picture taken with the lady who would eventually become my wife (at the time we were just friends, and the photographer happened to take a picture of us as we entered the park). And one person in the group yelled at me because he “caught” me eating non-kosher food. (I never claimed to be observant/kosher/etc.) I’m sure I did other things, went on rides, talked with friends, etc. If I didn’t still have that picture, I don’t know if I’d even remember that part. But I still remember vividly being yelled at and how it made me feel.

Same goes for that “one person” in a group. Unfortunately, that’s how stereotypes begin. Yes, it can be over come, and should be; but businesses know, few customers will remember average/good service. Almost all customers will remember bad service.