Comments on: Do I Attend my College Reunion?

By: Bob Miller

Bob Miller — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 12:38:29 +0000

If I still had friends from my college days. I’d be communicating with them with or without a formal reunion. As for the others, I hope they’re all doing well, but that would not make me invest in a trip to meet them.

By: Mordechai Y. Scher

Mordechai Y. Scher — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 03:35:08 +0000

I’ll offer a psychological thought into the mix. To some extent, it depends on your mental makeup.

My wife and I are ‘campers’. We like a little adventure. For us, going to a medical conference, sitting outside our room with a mountainaeering stove making food on Erev Shabbat is kind of fun. We don’t end up feeling our Shabbat is so impinged upon, as we feel we have an adventure and maybe touch some other Jewish heart along the way.

We went to a graduation ceremony on Shabbat that way. It actually turned out problematic when the boarding house owner claimed she didn’t realize we had to stay so late on Sat. night (this was summertime). But even so, we had an adventure, we were a little bit of an example for other Jews in the group. We pride ourselves on being able to genuinely make do in odd places. It’s just who we are. Packing some food and the plata/hot plate for a stay in a strange locale is occasionally good for us.

So, in the end, ask if you can really enjoy your Shabbat this way. If it seems like a bit of an adventure, and doable, great. If it will make Shabbat too challenging, and kill the enjoyment of Shabbat because of doubts and stress, maybe it isn’t the best idea.

By: Esti

Esti — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 02:15:06 +0000

Maya, sounds like you want to go. Given that, you can make it happen in a kosher way. I haven’t gone to my college reunions because I can’t get around the eruv issue, so even if I could attend some of the events on Saturday, most are outside in tents, and I can’t think of a way nicely to say no if someone hands me a glass of water. I have gone to 2 high school reunions in past years, “big” ones, and I second the opinion of the commenter that its mostly everyone standing around schmoozing about what they’re currently up to. However, I do agree with Chana Leah that you CAN make a kiddush Hashem, and even give some food for thought to some thinking Jewish classmates. You have to weigh your relationship to the people you may see there and how uncomfortable the overall atmosphere may make you feel. Only you can judge that by your experiences, and you might not really know that until you go. Keep the focus on making a kiddush Hashem and do your best to keep the holy Shabbos in the best way you can!

By: belle

belle — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 01:29:29 +0000

I myself went to two high school reunions over a Shabbos much for the same reasons Maya and the others listed. I must say, however, that the anticipation far outweighed any pleasure I took away. I was struck by how difficult it was to find common ground with people I lost touch with (that weren’t close friends). I had very little to say to them. Plus, guys I used to be friends with started touching me casually, one guy was even quite forward (by my standards, not his)! I found this very uncomfortable and had to do an embarrassing side step to stop it. This, combined with the cruder language that I was once accustomed to but now was jarring to my ears, and the loshon hara, reinforced ot me how much I had changed and how different I really was at that point. This made me feel I was not doing the right thing by being there.

Plus, since one of the reunions was at a hotel, I made arrangements to have my own Shabbos meal in my room with a friend (dear hubby graciously stayed home with the kids to allow me to go) and then go down to the party after the meal, all k’halacha. This was a real downer, after all was said and done it wasn’t worth sacrificing the Shabbos ruach.

By: Ron Coleman

Ron Coleman — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 21:33:09 +0000

Reunions are often held over weekends, and, it may well be possible to stay on campus or within walking distance and so participate to some extent.

But then perhaps you will ask yourself, is this activity something that really ought to be part of my Shabbos?

By: Dovid

Dovid — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 20:20:46 +0000

An interesting subject! I, myself, decided not to attend these reunions over the years, because I knew that the events were more than just a light gathering to stand around and schmooze. I had attended my 10-year reunion years ago, only to find a loud live rock band playing tunes from the 70’s/80’s, with old friends dancing together (leaving wives and husbands to stand on the sidelines). Conversations mostly focussed on how fat someone had become or how little hair someone else seemed to have now or how wealthy someone had become. It was sad. The only thing that left a lasting impression on me was a small poster put up in memory of those classmates who had died since graduation. This gave me pause to think and reflect, but little else had much meaning for me. Sure, I saw many old friends, but our lives had gone such opposite directions, that schmoozing was uncomfortable. Most of these old friends were Jews, and they looked at me like I had gone over the edge. My days of owning blue jeans and listening to secular music were gone before I attended this event, and it was probably clear to all there that this was the case. I felt like one of the few survivors on the S.S. Poseiden, knowing most of these Jews would be going down with the ship.

Still, who knows what kind of an impression you could make? So long as you can deal with the crowd, you may just make a Kidush Hashem.
To do so would make the whole trip worthwhile.

By: Rabbi Shmuel Simenowitz

Rabbi Shmuel Simenowitz — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:36:30 +0000

let’s just say I tweaked my hard drive and upgraded my software:)

By: Elliot Pasik

Elliot Pasik — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:23:58 +0000

What a clever story from the Rabbi above. Are you Chabad now? Am I right?

By: Rabbi Shmuel Simenowitz

Rabbi Shmuel Simenowitz — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 17:46:38 +0000

And by kippah, I of course meant ‘wig.’

…. Sorry, should have read the author’s name before commenting

Hey you never know! when I was on my journey, I left YU after nearly 7 years on Amsterdam Avenue (my “Im Lavan Garti” period) and transferred to SUNY Stony Brook. The first night I got invited to a party. A real live party! I happened to be wearing a Tzahal shirt I brought back from EY and a small kippah. A woman struck up a conversation with me. She told me she put on t’filin each day (I kid you not) I recall a Berditchevesque moment thinking that Hashem was having a bit if fun at my expense and feeling “Ribono shel Oilam – at YU the guys don’t even wear t’filin – here in golus B”H even the girls wear t’filin – surreal to say the least!

By: M

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 17:35:59 +0000

I’m not sure if the article was “misleading”, or simply required nuanced understanding in the reading.

Of course there are many “pleasures” of this world which are forbidden to the Torah observant- I imagine anyone reading the article would understand it to be referring to permitted pleasures.

As far as cutltural issues, it is up to the individual to choose the community most suitable to his/her philosophy regarding these matters. Communities vary considerably.

By: Dave

Dave — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 17:22:30 +0000

“When I first started learning at Aish, I remember reading an article that stated that we are meant to fully embrace the pleasures of this world but with deliberation.”

They misled you somewhat. There are endless pleasures in this world which (to one extent or another) religious Jews are expected to shun, either for religious or cultural reasons.

Reunions are often held over weekends, and, it may well be possible to stay on campus or within walking distance and so participate to some extent.

The take-home lesson from this, however, is to give careful thought about where you need to draw the line in your own life between your religious and secular activities, because there will always be a tension.

By: ChanaLeah

ChanaLeah — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 16:56:33 +0000

Maya: Truthfully I don’t connect to all of the posts and comments that deal with longing for things left behind pre-BT.

However, your post brings to mind the potential you will have to make a kiddush Hashem, and perhaps unknowingly to give direction to others in the “searching mode”. If you look outwardly frum, you will certainly be noticed in this crowd.

If you are strong in the place you are in and don’t feel that seeing old friends in non-religious lifestyles would be an OVERWHELMING temptation, it’s probably OK. What does your Rav say?

By: A Wandering BT

A Wandering BT — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 16:30:09 +0000

And by kippah, I of course meant ‘wig.’

…. Sorry, should have read the author’s name before commenting.

By: Maya

Maya — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 16:20:15 +0000

I am really liking the comments so far and it has given me more thought how I can make the most out of this alumni weekend.

Regarding Jacob Heller’s comment

“Whether intended or not, your presentation of “embracing the pleasures of this world” sounds like an end in itself and that the “deliberation” is a form of afterthought or disclaimer.”

I can understand how you could come to this interpretation, although that was not my intent.

By: A Wandering BT

A Wandering BT — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 16:14:26 +0000

Not sure why you even asked the question, especially on here. If you want to go, go. If your friends will be there and they are important to you, as long as no one is making you take off your kippah or engage in some kind of compromising activities that are against Torah, why is there a question to go or not?