Actually, growing up, me and my brother developed an understanding of each other’s grunting during davening as a signal to tell each other and other people that they’re disturbing our kavana and would they please be quiet.

Unfortunately, most people don’t understand our grunting signals and keep on talking to their neighbors or saying all of davening out loud right in back of me. Ohwell. Maybe i should make up a sign.

Cell phone noises during weekday davening can be frequent, uncoordinated, and intrusive. The ring tunes are often poorly chosen. The victims of cell phone noise in shul would like to see these devices silenced, confiscated, or launched into deep space. But wait…

All these devices are synchronized to the same time and nearly all can be equipped with any ring tone at all. So why not coordinate the timing and ring tones of all the cell phones in a given shul to produce a pleasing and ruach-dik symphonic sound at appropriate times in the davening? A central station could call each phone at the right moment to set it off. Some phones could impersonate the strings, some the woodwinds, etc. The shaliach tzibbur would also have to time himself properly, which would keep him from going too quickly or slowly.

You heard it here.