Cherishing the Shards: A 17th of Tamuz Meditation

By Rabbi Dovid Schwartz

Imagine this heartrending scene: You come to visit a frail old man, he is your father, grandfather or uncle. His mind is so addled and ravaged by Alzheimer’s that he doesn’t recognize his visitors, sadder still; the disease has so deleted or distorted his memory that he doesn’t “recognize” himself. For those who knew him as he once was his current desecrated state unleashes a torrent of clashing emotions ranging from pity, to contempt to revulsion to anxiety (this could happen to me!) to (shudder) thoughts that, if directed towards healthy members of our society, would be considered homicidal and criminal (Is he even himself anymore? Is he still a human being? What a lousy quality of life. Why doesn’t someone just put the poor old geezer out of his [our] misery?) Some of us have actually lived through scenes like this and don’t need to imagine it.

Now let’s modify the scene. Imagine if we could project a 3D hologram of the same person in the full flush and dynamism of his youth with his arm around the shoulder of, or, better yet, superimposed upon the entire body of, the ruined shell of a human being before us. Imagine further that these two images permanently fused so that we couldn’t look at the old man without concurrently seeing his younger clone. How might that change our attitude and emotional reaction? I believe it would cause a drastic change in the entire gamut of our auto-emotional responses. All euthanasia-cal designs would immediately cease. In spite of the wretched reality that meets our eyes we would begin relating to the patient with a dignity, respect and humanity more closely approximating what we used to accord to the man he once was than the Alzheimer’s patient he is today.
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Should We Attempt to Make Our Family Frum?

My brother recently has been searching for answers to the age-old questions. Why is life so difficult? Why is he faced with challenges? Why don’t things turn out the way he wants them to? He also wonders about God and religion and his place in the world.

He’s been asking a lot of people these questions. He asked the rabbi of the Reform congregation that my family attends; he talks to my parents and grandparents about it. And recently, he asked me.

He came to me specifically wanting to know why I became Orthodox. My process to becoming frum happened quite a while ago; he was young and didn’t remember the details, but he was certainly puzzled by it considering I’m the only Orthodox Jew he knows (he lives in Birmingham, Alabama, where there is what can definitely be considered a dearth of Orthodox Jews around).

I gave him a brief overview of my journey and process; I told him that, for me, Orthodox Judaism seemed to offer meaning and purpose to an existence that I previously couldn’t figure out, that seemed random and disjointed.
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Rabbi Akiva and Intelligent Design

Something stuck in my head from 32 years ago, amazingly enough. The professor of my undergraduate biology course prefaced his remarks about biological adaptations by saying: “We don’t ask the teleological why.” Not being attuned to religious issues at the time, I didn’t give much thought to his point.

However, when I entered a Baal Teshuvah Yeshivah four years later I was astounded to find intelligent, well-educated people who challenged naturalism and its principal brainchild, evolution.

The teleological argument for the existence of God, inferring a Designer from the complexity of biological entities, is currently touted as intelligent design, although its proponents would be quick to assert that intelligent design is not creationism.
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Maintaining One’s Moral Compass in the Workplace

Dear Mentor:

I don’t know who you are or where you live, but I really need your guidance and inspiration at this stage in my life. Please get back to me ASAP.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Shmuel (I’m called Steve at work), and I am a junior partner in a prominent law firm in New York City. I’m happily married, and we have 3 lovely children, Baruch Hashem.

So why am I writing to you? Because as I have grown professionally and personally, I find myself faced with a set of nisyonos far different than those I had a few short years ago when I was a bachur in yeshiva. My nekudas habechirah has shifted dramatically, and I need someone who can regularly touch my neshama in a way that will enable me to maintain my spiritual compass. My soul needs to be uplifted, as there are so many temptations that beckon.

A few short years ago, my wife and I were living hand-to-mouth. Now, I am invited to dinner meetings in $150-a-plate restaurants and all I do is rearrange the salad and sip soda while my business associates dine on $70- steaks and drink from $100 bottles of wine.
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Keeping Your Ethics on Par in the Workplace

An Open Invitation From Rabbi Yakov Horowitz:

How would you like to spend an inspiring and enjoyable morning in the company of your friends – with an opportunity to meet new ones?

How would you like to opportunity to network with other frum professionals?

How would you like to attend lectures and shiurim by business professionals addressing the opportunities – and challenges – of today’s business climate? (Please read the article below on this subject.)

How would you like to spend a relaxed, enjoyable afternoon in a beautiful setting with a full array of sports facilities at your disposal?

If the answer to one or all of these questions is yes, please accept our invitation to join us for a one-day retreat in the beautiful Hudson Valley Resort www.hudsonvalleyresort.com on Monday, August 14th. The resort is conveniently located 15 minutes from Ellenville NY, and 90 miles from New York City.
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Rally to Free Gilad Shalit

Since Hamas leader Khalid Meshaal operates from Syrian under Syrian protection, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad plays a critical role in the fate of IDF Cpl. Gilad Shalit – Gilad ben Aviva.

The Ad Hoc Coalition for Justice will be hosting a rally in front of the Syrian Mission to the United Nations in NYC demanding the immediate and unconditional release of Cpl.Shalit.

The rally will take place, rain or shine, on Monday July 10, 12 noon at 820 Second Ave. (Btwn 43rd and 44th streets).

For further information, please contact the Conference of Presidents at 212-318-6111 or info@conferenceofpresidents.org.

The following Israeli soldiers remain Missing in Action:

Yekutiel Yehuda Nachman ben Sarah (Katz)

Zecharia Shlomo ben Miriam (Baumel)

Zvi ben Penina (Feldman)

Ron ben Batya (Arad)

Guy ben Rina (Hever)

May Hashem speedily redeem them and bring them all home safely to their loved ones.

Getting It About “Getting It”

If you’ve listened to the Life After Teshuva tapes, you know they contain a wealth of valuable advice and information. At $75 for the 15 tape series, they are a true bargain.

There is however one recurring theme throughout the tapes that bothers me and that is the constant refrain that those presenting at the conference “get it”, with the implication that many others don’t “get it”.

Now I think that all the presenters had a lot to offer. However, our experience at Beyond BT has shown us that nobody “gets it” all the time when it comes to BT issues (or probably any issue for that matter). The wise person will follow the advice from Pirkei Avos and try to learn from every person and not assume that they already “get it”.

Next week we will begin the three week period of mourning the destruction of the Bais Hamikdash. We know that the second Mikdash was destroyed because of Sinas Chinam (baseless hatred). We plan to run a few pieces on Achdus in this period including a series by Rebbetzin Heller titled “Antidote for Baseless Hatred”.

In that piece Rebbetzin Heller, brings a Gemora which says that before Mashiach comes, truth will be such that every group is like a little flock. And within each flock will be sub-flocks. The fragmentation of truth will be enormous. That basically means that no group will totally “Get it”.

So let’s keep striving for our personal understanding of truth while, at the same time, listening, hearing and understanding the truths that others bring to the table. Then, collectively we can piece together the truth that will result in the rebuilding of the Beis Hamikdash in our time.

Who am I?

Hillel asks: If I am not for myself, who is for me? I first want to know: who am I?

All of my life, I have felt that I am a member of three communities, each vying for attention. As a US-born citizen, I am naturally an American, but growing up as the daughter of immigrants in an Orthodox day school where my friends were all children of immigrants, I was illiterate in the culture of baseball and homemade apple pie. My mom didn’t bake apple pie at home because instead I was enjoying Russian desserts due to my parents’ Russian backgrounds. Both of my parents are from the former Soviet Union and we spoke Russian at home. I learned to read and write in Russian and sing Russian children’s songs. Many of my parents’ friends were of the Russian Jewish community. Finally, there were the Israelis. Since my parents lived in Israel in the 1970s, we were involved in the Israeli community, going to events, visiting Israel almost every year, and speaking Hebrew. My favorite records were of Israeli children’s music; I knew every song by heart and was fluent in Hebrew at a young age.
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The Company Picnic

Years ago (like eighteen), when I first decided to wear a kippah at work, something seemed strange also. At the time, I felt self-consciousness about wearing it in public. But then it occurred to me that in New York City, people aren’t pretentious about going out in public with purple-dyed hair, a chain as a belt and piercing in their eyes, nose and mouth. I realized that if I had some physical or psychological barrier, it was of my own creation, not anyone else’s. But upon showing up at work wearing it after a two-week vacation, no one said a word.

At first, I thought my friends and colleagues, all of whom I had been working with for at least a year, all knew that I was Shomer Shabbos. I wondered whether they thought it looked strange but were just too polite to say anything. After a few days, two of my colleagues asked if they could ask me a personal question. Of course, I said yes to which they asked, “Have you always been wearing a kippah or did you just start?” After telling them that I started several days before, I asked, “Why do you ask, wasn’t it obvious when I showed up after vacation the other day with it on?” They told me that they had a bet. One said I just started and the other said that I had been wearing it all along.
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While You Walk on the Way – Why Not Get an MP3 Player

Technology today, particularly mp3 players give us a wonderful opportunity to learn when we are on our way, wherever we are. I’ve been listening to Torah Tapes via walkman for a long time but the mp3 player is quite superior due to it’s small size, higher capacity and better fidelity.

Rabbi Yitzchok Adlerstein of Cross-Currents fame, wrote an excellent article in a recent edition of the OU’s Jewish Action which covers many of the basics of mp3 usage. Here are some of the key points from the article with some of my comments.

Rabbi Adlerstein purchased a small capacity IRiver for around one hundred dollars which holds about twenty hours of material, and runs on a single AA battery. Although it doesn’t have the coolness factor of the IPod, I also highly recommend the IRiver line for those who favor price and function over form. And as Rabbi Adlerstein points out you can easily record live shiurim if you purchase a model with the voice recording option.
Read more While You Walk on the Way – Why Not Get an MP3 Player

Jeff Neckonoff Interviewed about his Escape from the Messianic Jewish Movement

Beyond BT reader and commentor Jeff Neckonoff was inteviewed by Gavriel Sanders about his experiences, involvement and escape from the messianic jewish movement. You can listen to the interview here at www.GavrielSanders.com

Jeff writes “He’s a great interviewer. His questions flowed and I didn’t need to struggle with thinking about my answers. I think you’ll enjoy the show.”

Update: You can also download the interview here.

Peer Counseling – Helping Others Grow

By Shoshana Siegelman

Before I discovered the world of Torah, personal growth was my religion. The self-help and peer counseling movements provided me with daily practices, support communities, a body of literature to study, and ways of thinking that I found at least partially satisfying.

When, through HaShem’s incredible kindness, I became exposed to Torah thought and living, my thoughtful guides and mentors helped me bridge the gap by ”translating” Torah into the language I understood: personal growth. (For example, I maintained that “Moshiach” was a gentile concept, and one that I couldn’t get comfortable with. My mentor asked, Don’t you dream of a time when people will be whole, and good, and not give in to their distresses? I replied, Yes, that’s my dream, my life-work! To which he replied, That’s Moshiach. And suddenly a tenet of faith became mine.) I spent a year reading, listening to tapes, taking classes, experiencing Shabbos and Yom Tov, and re-creating my life from scratch. I had to re-think everything I had once believed. So much non-Jewish thought had been part of my worldview. I needed to sort through what was true and useful and appropriate, and what was not. Having heard that one of the reasons some Jews are raised far from Torah is so that they can go out in the world and gather in what is useful to bring back, I decided I wanted to take what I had that was useful, to clean it up hashkofically, and to make it available in the frum community.
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The Shidduchim Process – Marrying Off Your Children – Rabbi Yaakov Haber – Mp3

Today we’re posting an audio file from the Life After Teshuva conference, by Rabbi Yaakov Haber titled “The Shidduchim Process – Marrying Off Your Children”. (Click on the link to listen or to download the audio file to your computer, click with the right mouse button on the link and select Save Target As.)

One of the insights that Rabbi Haber offers is that in the FFB world, there was a “business deal” aspect to Shidduchim. I know from friends who recently married off children that the financial arrangements for the beginning years of marriage are a major issue, especially if the boy is learning and the girl is finishing school, and it makes sense that we should be aware of this reality.

But the major point that Rabbi Haber makes in this audio is his suggestion that due to culture similiarities, he feels that the best matches are a BT to BT, or a child of a BT to a child of a BT. He brings support for his position and acknowledges that it caused much controversy when he presented it at an Agudah convention in about 1986, but at the time of this talk in 2001, he still stuck firmly by his position.

We all know of many BT-FFB and other cross-cultural success stories, Rabbi Haber makes it clear that he isn’t saying that it can’t work, just that it makes the most sense to keep cultural differences to a minimum when searching for shidduchim.

Give the audio a listen and let us know what you think.