Suggestions to Address the Tuition Crisis

Although some commentors had suggested a desire to get Beyond Tuition, we clearly see this issue is causing much pain for the frum middle case. We thought it made sense to “promote to post” some suggestions Charnie, Tzvi, Sefardi Lady and others in the Beyond BT community have made on the tuition issue to date.

Please add any additional thoughts in the comments.

1) that all parents – baring the most extrememe circumstances, pay at least a minimum;

2) that yeshiva boards not be made up only of the wealthier end of the parent body, but have a broader representation economically;

3) that schools look to cut costs by combining facilities where it is geographical feasible;

4) that every school makes sure it is taking advantage of every possible grant out there. BYQ is a wonderful example, as anyone who’s seen their computer lab can attest;

5) accept the fact that a Rebbe or Morah’s reduced tuition is a barter – they’re making less then many of us, but they’re providing an important service;

6) we work together with other groups (Solomon Schector, Christians, Catholics, etc) to gain more in the form of vouchers &/or tax credits;
a) that also means considering political candidates positions on these issues when we go to vote.

7) scholarships should not be given out based totally on an applicant’s 1099.

8) that in NYC we learn from some OOT yeshivas that require parents to help out at a school in exchange for financial aid. Some schools might even be able to cut salaries that way.

9. Along with point #1, we must state that NO CHILD will be denied a yeshiva education because the parents can’t afford it.

10. Aside from schools “combining facilities” (a pipe dream IMO, unless the crisis — for them — becomes severe), schools should at least coordinate efforts
a) to encourage community members (including non-parents) to direct more $$ to the community’s schools,
b) to ensure that every child has a place in a school, and that scholarships are available and equitably distributed across the schools (ala Chicago’s Kehilla Fund)
c) to pool resources for expensive special programs (ala the 5 Towns / Far Rockaway’s CAHAL)

11. Yeshivos should seek help from parents and others on how to increase fundraising, especially from alumni.

12. Parents must be encouraged to take a hard look at their priorities, and be reminded that tuition (full if at all possible) must be the first item budgeted and paid, before vacations, camp, new cars, home additions, etc., etc.

13. Community members, especially those pre- or post-tuition years, and those with fewer children and more resources, should be reminded to direct their generosity first and foremost to their community yeshivos.

14. Look at the possibility of combining duplicate functions and providing enhanced functions through cooperation (a big example being the need for vocational courses and the lack of an adequate size classroom if one school where to provide such).

15. We should also look at the possibility of spreading tuition out over 12 months, instead of 10

16. Tell the schools to stop making our children the middle man when it comes to requesting money

17. Stop punishing parents who pay over 10 months with “fees.”

Who Is Wise, Strong, Rich and Honored – Pirkei Avos Week 4

This week is the fourth Perek for Pirkei Avos which includes:

1. “Ben (the son of) Zoma said, who is wise? He who learns from all people…Who is strong? He who conquers his evil inclination…Who is rich? He who is satisfied with his lot…Who is honored? He who honors others…
20. “Rabbi Yaakov said, this world is like an entrance chamber before the World to Come. Prepare yourself in the entrance chamber so that you may enter the banquet hall.”
27. “Rabbi Elazar HaKappar said, jealousy, lust and the [pursuit of] honor remove a person from the world.”

The entire text from Perek 4 is down below.

Here is the link for an English Translation of all six Perakim culled from Rabbi Dovid Rosenfeld’s translation and commentary at Torah.org. Torah.org also has some of the Maharal’s commentary for Pirkei Avos. And Aish has lot’s of good articles on Pirkei Avos penned by two Beyond BT contributors Rabbi Yonsason Goldson and Yaakov Astor.

The full text in Hebrew can be found here.

Read more Who Is Wise, Strong, Rich and Honored – Pirkei Avos Week 4

Inspiring the Inspired

Gil Student recently gave a presentation at the Rabbinical Counsel of America (RCA) convention about What a Rabbi Needs to Know about Blogs. Gil has also posted the Power Point from his presentation.

In his section on What Blogs a Rabbi Must Follow, Gil was kind enough to include Beyond BT in the Inspirational Section along with two of our contributors Rabbi Brody at Lazer Beams and A Simple Jew.

I think this supports a thought I had after seeing Aish’s Inspired movie, which is that every BT has a story worthy of being in that movie. This is mainly due to the fact that going from a me-focused existence to a Hashem-focused existence is the biggest change a person can make in their life and that story can’t be anything less than awe-inspiring.
Read more Inspiring the Inspired

Second Chances

Tomorrow is Pesach Sheni (the Second Pesach). Pesach Sheni takes place one month after erev Pesach, the time when the Pesach sacrifice was prepared and eaten. At the time when the Pesach offering was to be eaten in the desert, a group of men approached Moshe Rebeinu and complained that they were tameh (ritually impure) and, consequently, were unable to join in the mitzvah. They basically told Moshe that it wasn’t fair that they were unable to partake of the Pesach offering. The gemorah (Succah 25a) presents two opinions as to how these men became tameh. One is that they were the men who carried Yosef’s coffin out of Egypt and the other is that they were involved in the mitzvah of burying an unattended body they had found. (Meis mitzvah). Either way they were involved in an “important” mitzvah at the time.

Moshe brought their complaint to Hashem who responded by ordaining a new Yom Tov, Pesach Sheni. One month after erev pesach, all of those who had become tameh through contact with a corpse or who were too far away on the day preceding pesach can offer and consume the pesach offering. A second chance.
Read more Second Chances

A Part of Me Does, A Part of Me Doesn’t – Living with Conflict and Tension

By: Rabbi Shmuel Simenowitz

Intro – I had intended to write and submit this piece back in February when we read parashas Yisro but you know how it goes. Projects, the kids, community needs, parnassah. The list goes on. I even got a second wind during Pesach when we bentsched Tal – the prayer for dew. Precipitation, yes, but still no piece.

How fitting is it that I finally sit down to write then on the eve of Pesach Sheni – the time when those who were otherwise unable to bring the korbon pesach in Nisan were allowed to do so. In chassidic thought Pesach Sheni is the ultimate ba’al t’shuva celebration – a day which stands for the proposition that there’s always a second chance. – SHS

When my daughter Tova was little, when we would ask her how she felt about going somewhere or doing something about which she felt conflicted, she would respond “a part of me does, a part of me doesn’t”. As she got older we would seek greater clarification (not to mention grabbing a quick teaching opportunity) as in “Well if the parts voted, which set of parts would win?” and then again “what percentage of part A does and what percentage of part B doesn’t?” It challenged her to ascribe values to each conflicting emotion, to prioritize but most importantly, to move forward.
Read more A Part of Me Does, A Part of Me Doesn’t – Living with Conflict and Tension

Jonathan Rosenblum on My Father My Hero

Jonathan Rosenblum, the noted author and journalist has a great post about his father titled My Father My Hero over at Cross-Currents. Here’s an excerpt:

When I was a little boy, my father was my hero. When he was around, I knew nothing bad could befall me.

Rarer, perhaps, my father remained my hero even after I had reached adulthood and become a ba’al teshuva. There was no one with whom I more enjoyed talking. He drove me to the airport every time that I traveled abroad. The forty minute drive, with no outside distractions, always seemed too short.

I always told my parents that they have no one to blame but themselves for the fact that four out of their five sons became ba’alei teshuva. And they acknowledged their guilt with good cheer. My mother always told us that the most important about us was that we were Jewish. And it was natural that her sons would, at some point, come to Israel to find out what being Jewish means.

Are We Self-Defeating?

Here we stand, almost ½ a year later from the establishment of the Beyond BT blog. The question that we need to ask ourselves is “have we changed”? Have we incorporated those ideas presented here that made sense to us?

I don’t want to scare anyone, but I am afraid that just like people’s “new year’s resolutions” never get fulfilled, the good possibility that many of us didn’t take the good advice offered here, is a reality.

I think that one major piece of advice given by many of the writers and commentators here has been to find for yourself a spiritual guide. A Rav/ Rebbbetzin that you feel you want to learn from & grow with. In fact, many complaints by many BT’s that I have encountered over the last 16 years has been this: “I don’t have a Rav”. I would venture to say that most FFB’s also don’t have a Rav to guide them. Sure, most people have Rebbeim for Kashrut questions, but what about how to really “live” their lives, help with the school issues since BT’s don’t have that frum parental and grandparental wisdom to rely on, and shalom bayit issues.
Read more Are We Self-Defeating?

Mekareving Family and Friends

Family and friends have their own agendas which may or not coincide with the values that a Torah based life demands of us. In some ways, kiruv may be easier with a complete stranger than with family or friends from one’s past. Sometimes, the past intellectual and cultural baggage is just too difficult to overcome with those who one knows the longest.

On the other hand, even strangers can react negatively over the way that certain issues are handled within our communities and the concomitant coverage in the secular media.

Lessons From Psychology

I’ve been reading Irvin Yalom’s book “Love’s Executioner.” It’s a collection of true stories from his experiences being a therapist. For someone who is in training to be a counselor, it’s an inspiring set of stories and points out many key points in the development of an outlook to dealing with patients and one’s own issues as a therapist.

In one of Yalom’s stories, he describes a woman who has come from a very difficult background. She discloses a lot of information about her background to him, including parts of her younger years when she did many things that she wasn’t particularly proud of. After divulging this information, Dr. Yalom asks his patient how it feels to tell him all these things. His patient says that she feels a mixture of being relieved and being afraid he will judge her and lose respect for her because of the information she has revealed. Dr. Yalom responds that she has no need to worry. He says, “The more I hear from you, the more I like you. I’m full of admiration for what you’ve overcome and what you’ve done in life.” (p. 146)
Read more Lessons From Psychology

An Hour in the Life of the Local Bais Yaakov

The financial stress in the frum community, primarily caused by the tuition situation is a serious problem felt by the vast majority of the residents of most communities. But as we search for solutions it makes sense to focus on some of the beautiful aspects of our schools.

I happened to be at the local Bais Yaakov when it was my 3rd grade daughter’s birthday last week, so I came to the class party. This was not one of these heavily practiced siddur plays, just the normal half hour party that each of the 25 girls in the glass would enjoy on her special day. Mrs. S. graciously sat us in the front of the room and conducted the class as usual.
Read more An Hour in the Life of the Local Bais Yaakov

Growing Step By Step

Since blogs appear to be the 21st-century diary, I would like to share with you how my husband and I have grown since I first posted on this website in January.

I started saying Tehillim when my mom went in to the hospital for a routine procedure and ended up staying there for two weeks fighting a nasty hospital-acquired infection. Given her fears and my anxiety of not being with her, I turned to Tehillim as a direct prayer to Hashem. I never said Tehillim before, and I didn’t even understand what I was saying, but reciting the Tehillim – saying something – somehow eased my fears and calmed me. Once my mom was discharged (and I flew to visit with her) I continued reciting Tehillim and I have found the daily practice to be my time with Hashem, a time when I can focus on what I want to accomplish and communicate that.
Read more Growing Step By Step

Welcome Home!

L’ILuy Nishmas Yaakov Eisenberg

A year or so ago, I drove into Manhattan to pick up my mother’s second cousin from Israel, Motty, and drive him to the airport. I had felt guilty after barely seeing him during his short trip. Even though he is only my mother’s second cousin, he treated me like his own son when I visited with him in Israel some 15 years ago (going out of his way to get kosher food, etc.). So, the least I could do was drive him to the airport.

Earlier that morning I had gone to a gemorah shiur I had been attending at the time and I must have left directly from there since my gemorah was on the back seat of the car. When Motty opened the back door, he asked “David, do you learn Tal-mud Bav-Li?” I responded “I try.” “Oh”, he said “I have something for you”. He explained that an uncle of his, the only living religious member of his family, had recently passed away. Amongst his belongings were many sifrei kodesh. The attorney administering the estate gave them to Motty and told him he should probably throw them away. Motty then said to me “I am not dati (religious) but I know what his kodesh (holy). Also, I come from a family of publishers so all books are important to me. I will send these books to you.” I thanked him as graciously as possible.

Approximately one month later, three large boxes were delivered to my home. They included an entire set of Shas (the Talmud), a set of Mishnah Yachin and Boaz (the six orders of the the Mishnah with commentary) and two sets of Mishneh Brurah (the Chofetz Chaim’s authoritative work on Jewish Law). I carefully placed the Shas and Mishnayos on my bookshelf and sent my brother one of the sets of Mishneh Brurah and donated the other to a Jewish outreach library.

This year, my son has begun learning Mishnayos in school. When we learn together, I try to use this particular set of mishnayos in the hopes that it will be of merit to this distant, distant relative that I never met.

Our sages teach that “Torah mechazeres al achsanya shelah”–The Torah returns to its lodgings–which has been explained to mean that even if the Torah leaves a family, it will return within three generations.

Welcome home, I hope you find us to be gracious hosts.

Hands On or Off ?

Rabbi Dovid Schwartz say this article in the NY Sun and thought the BeyondBT community would benefit from it. He emailed Sara Berman, the author, and we were given permission to post it. Thanks to Rabbi Schwartz and Mrs Berman.

BY SARA BERMAN
May 2, 2006
http://www.nysun.com/article/31937

If you have a few children – sometimes two is enough, and definitely by the time you have three – you probably have a difficult child in the mix.

Four children are playing in a room happily and then there is crying. You don’t even need to go into the room to know who is crying.

I have one such child. One day last week we were racing to get to school on time. My daughter was trying to put on her coat; my son was trying to fit a few things into his backpack. I was trying to carry someone’s special project. And then I noticed that this child was still not dressed.

“I’m not going to school today,” he said, in a matter-of-fact tone of voice.

“You are part of a family,” I said slowly, with audible exasperation. “You are not the center of the universe, and we all need you to get dressed.”

As soon as I said the words, I felt guilty. But for what?
Read more Hands On or Off ?

This Week in Pirkei Avos

This week is the third Perek for Pirkei Avos. Here is the link for an English Translation of all six Perakim culled from Rabbi Dovid Rosenfeld’s translation and commentary at Torah.org. Torah.org also has some of the Maharal’s commentary for Pirkei Avos, which happens to be my personal favorite which you can purchase here.

The full text in Hebrew can be found here.

Frequent BeyondBT contributor, Rabbi Yonason Goldson has great pieces on Mishna 3.1 – “…consider three things and you will not come to sin…” and Mishna 3.2 – “…Pray for the welfare of the government, for without the fear of it, man would swallow his fellow alive…”.

Read more This Week in Pirkei Avos

I Can’t Be An FFB – But Will I Always Be A BT

When I first saw the word Baal Teshuva in a book it had a comforting feeling about it. I felt like someone understood me, that I wasn’t alone, and that something special was possibly happening all over the world with people like me turning back to Judaism. I had begun studying on my own without the aid of a kiruv professional, outreach center or even a local sensitive rabbi to guide me. I read through a copy of the Bible in English, found some English translations of tractates of the Talmud, and started to adopt observances and attitudes that I found compelling. When I finally saw that I was not alone, it lifted my sights a bit.

Later, I found out that the term Baal Teshuva is somewhat of a misnomer. I was more technically in the category of a “tinok shenishbah” a child captured by non-Jews. I wasn’t really captured, just merely brought up in a non-observant household. But the Hebrew term applies nonetheless, and it has halachic ramifications. Now the truth is I don’t really want to go around being called a captured baby, even if that’s my halachic status, but Baal Teshuva (master of return) is a term designated for someone who was observant and went away from observance and then came back. So that doesn’t really apply to me.
Read more I Can’t Be An FFB – But Will I Always Be A BT

Remembering Israel’s Fallen Heroes

Today is Yom HaZikiron which is the day on which we honor Israel’s fallen heroes.

Rabbi Lazer Brody has a good post which opens with:

Today is Israel’s Memorial Day; for some, it’s theoretical. For many of us, it’s a day of opening up old wounds and 24 hours of tears in the eyes.

Please read the whole thing to also honor those who have survived but constantly are giving up their lives through their suffering with PTSD – Post Trauma Stress Disorder.

Aish has a true story for Israel Remembrance Day called The Rabbi and the Professor.

Read more Remembering Israel’s Fallen Heroes

Can You Really Get Everything You Want at Alice’s Restaurant?

Early on in my journey in observance, I realized that Passover was not a holiday I could spend with my family. Every year the first Seder would be at my grandparents’ house and the second Seder would be at my temple. Although my temple was within walking distance of my house, my grandma’s house was not. That, and the fact that my parents weren’t really expecting me to come home in the midst of finals. I’ve accepted not seeing my parents on any Shabbat or yom tov, save when they visit me at Penn. And I’m fine with that.

Thanksgiving, on the other hand, was one of the few holidays that I could spend at home with my family. For the past 10 or so years, we’ve hosted our extended family for Thanksgiving, with our cousins from New Jersey, California, and sometimes even Guatemala coming to the meal. Usually there are over 20 people. This was convenient when I started keeping kosher, since my parents started keeping a kosher house and no one had to make any special arrangements for me. Plus, I got to stay in my own home,sleep in my own bed ans see my cats, whom I always miss.
Read more Can You Really Get Everything You Want at Alice’s Restaurant?

How Baalei Teshuvah Can Contribute to the Chareidi World

Here’s an article from a few years ago titled, How Baalei Teshuvah Can Contribute to the Chareidi World, by HaRav Yehuda Greenwald.

Here are some excerpts:

The truth is that every intelligent avreich who was ever closely acquainted with a baal teshuvah, someone not embarrassed by being a baal teshuvah and who does not try to copy others, will find to his surprise that the baal teshuvah is a gold mine of good qualities and possesses spectacular tools for avodas Hashem. The big surprise is that those baalei teshuvah who do not hide their lack of knowledge and their confusion, and dare to ask all the questions that bother them and even “demand” help from avreichim in their Torah studies, are immeasurably respected.

After building up this relationship, a new, mutual relationship begins, with each side contributing its part and strengthening the other.

You ask what baalei teshuvah can contribute to the chareidi world?
Read more How Baalei Teshuvah Can Contribute to the Chareidi World

Princes and Princesses We Were

I was not given many limits as a child and was raised to think that the world was coming to me. (I do not think that many FFBs are taught to think like that.) There are obviously many negatives to being raised in that regard, and many of them become crystal clear to me when people like the guy I work with, an FFB, pronounces his disbelief with the way I went about handling any one of many situations. “Aryeh, you can’t DO that” he will tell me. Or “Aryeh, what’s WRONG with you?” he’ll ask?

Now I don’t want to comment on his delivery…whether it could or should or couldn’t or shouldn’t be better…that’s a conversation for another time. What I would like to discuss is that often, after he points these things out I find myself saying “he’s right.”
Read more Princes and Princesses We Were