An Hour in the Life of the Local Bais Yaakov

The financial stress in the frum community, primarily caused by the tuition situation is a serious problem felt by the vast majority of the residents of most communities. But as we search for solutions it makes sense to focus on some of the beautiful aspects of our schools.

I happened to be at the local Bais Yaakov when it was my 3rd grade daughter’s birthday last week, so I came to the class party. This was not one of these heavily practiced siddur plays, just the normal half hour party that each of the 25 girls in the glass would enjoy on her special day. Mrs. S. graciously sat us in the front of the room and conducted the class as usual.

The girls were comfortable and well behaved and the ones who knew Linda and I greeted us warmly. Mrs. S. drew a birthday card on a piece of recycled oak tag. Then she called the girls one by one as they proceeded to give my daughter blessings. She wrote each one on the board. Many of the girls answered amen to each blessing. When the blessing was for a Good Husband or a Husband with Good Middos, my daughter dutifully answered, “but not yet”. It was so beautiful because the girls really meant it and you could feel the love this wonderful teacher was nourishing in the room.

After the blessings, the girls where chosen for various tasks in giving out the snacks and stuff and they all wanted to participate, but they did not complain if they weren’t one of the four who were chosen. As they noshed they came up to write beautiful greetings on the birthday card. This wonderful teacher was helping each of these girls feel a love for their fellow Jew in their hearts. There is no price that you can put on that.

Clean up was orderly and the rest of the morning period was carried on in a proper, loving and comfortable manner. The girls were truly happy to be there and it reminded me of a recent comment by my daughter, “I really like school, but you’re not supposed to say that”.

It was just one special hour, but it was a reminder that we truly have to focus and be thankful to Hashem for having transplated us into such a wonderful nurturing environment.

30 comments on “An Hour in the Life of the Local Bais Yaakov

  1. #4
    sometimes we adults read too much into children’s talk/actions. a birthday is a mazel tov event & the classmate might have associated it with a wedding in the family she’d recently attended. Or, had they recently learned in parshas hashaua or chumash about about Rivkah, for example? little girls are usually more attuned to this on their level, of course) than boys of the same age. Anyway, what’s wrong about learning of the importance of middos rather than being brought up with “romantic” ideas of the desireabilty of a wealthy spouse!?

  2. Tests and grades are fine. The question is how they are used. Rav Weinberg zt”l felt that students should be encouraged to compete against their own records, to constantly improve their performance, but never against someone else.

    As far as the influence of these ideas on Ner Israel, it’s hard to translate directly to a yeshiva gedola, or even the mesivta (which in any case was not really under his direction). The place to look for such influence is where his talmidim set up schools, in places like Miami, Atlanta and Columbus.

  3. Thanks for some more clarification Tzvi. Was Rav Weinberg zt”l also opposed to giving grades for academic subjects? Torah subjects? Was he opposed to competitions for Torah topics?

    How were Rav Weinberg zt”l’s policies incorporated into the character of Ner Israel?

    I think it would be great to have a more in depth look at the topic of competition and education, sports, the economy, politics, and more.

  4. Rav Weinberg zt”l, who was my rebbe, was outspoken in his disapproval of competition in educational environments. He felt strongly that a setting where one child is pitted against another teaches them that the main thing is to outdo the other, and they quickly learn that it’s often easier to do this by pulling your competitor down than by pulling yourself up. He spoke often of the harmful effects of contests, competitive sports, and especially that staple of Jewish summer camps — color war.

    Rav Weinberg clearly recognized that competition is a significant element of our society, but felt it is something we should try to minimize rather than encourage.

  5. Rav Weinberg zt”l must have only been speaking about certain types of competition, not all types of competition. I think his statements deserve greater clarification (possibly from someone close to him).

  6. # 19…whats wrong with competition?

    I recently listened to a tape by Rav Yaakov Weinberg zt”l who said in very clear terms that competition is part of what creates the problems in the world and that it has no place in Torah society. With competition there is by definition a winner and a loser. When it comes to interpersonal relations, competition is not the Torah way. Torah values anivus, foregoing things (and honor) and chessed. His words, not mine.

    This story demonstrates that these girls will all be winners.

  7. Dag, where do you work? For the past 20 years I’ve been working in an environment known for its competitiveness – Wall St. Seen lots of people come and go. My real world experience has shown that teamwork, communication, sharing of ideas and information and cooperation are qualities that are sought after and have staying power. #19’s girls would do well.

  8. Amyone whose daughter has ever had the experience of having the moreh that Mark mentioned can testify that she puts 1000% into the developmemt of her students’ midos, etc. A simply superb role model.

  9. Nothing is wrong with competition. For high school girls however, these types of competitions often bring about bad feelings and even animosity between girls. I cannot help but admire these girls who put their personal interests aside and helped each other.

  10. Back to the topic of the article…. I also have a wonderful story about another BY (high school) and the values the school was able to impart to the girls. My daughter recently ran for President of the GO against 4 of her classmates. The normal expectation was that these girls would feel some sense of a competitive spirit since they were indeed running AGAINST each other. In fact however, these girls behaved as if they were running side by side – as true friends. Their classmates rotated between the candidates’ houses, helping each candidate prepare her presentation. There was a true sense of comraderie as opposed to a sense of competition. The candidates themselves actually helped each other. It was beautiful to see that their desire to act with kindness to a fellow classmate was even more important than becoming President of the GO. My husband and I shepped so much nachas from these girls and I think I will call the principal tomorrow and let her shep nachas from these girls. This school has truly succeeded in teaching the girls proper Torah priorities.

  11. Here’s what the NYTimes had to say on the divorce rate in 2005:
    http://www.divorcereform.org/nyt05.html
    It’s an interesting read… One researcher in the article states that the “divorce rate for college graduates who married between 1990 and 1994 would end up at only about 25 percent” not 50% like stated above.

  12. The common statistic of 50% comes about because in most years the marriage rate per 1,000 population is about double the divorce rate for 1,000. (7.5 vs 3.8 in 2003).
    Perhaps the correct way to say the 50% statistic is that in any given year, a person is 50% more likely to get married than to get divorced. >>

    That wouldn’t be correct, however, for two reasons. The first is that 7.5 is not “50% more than 3.8.” It’s almost 100% more than 3.8, since it’s almost double 3.8. The second is that you can’t say that any one individual is more likely to get married than to get divorced, because the starting conditions are different. The pool of people who are likely to get married in a given year are those people who are single. The pool of people who are likely to get divorced in a given year are those people who are already married. It’s not the same person facing both choices. All you can say is that the rate of marriage in a given year is double the rate of divorce in a given year. But that doesn’t tell you what the divorce rate actually IS, because the calculation is “# of divorces over # of marriages that existed that could have gotten divorced,” not “# of divorces over # of marriages that happened during the same time.”
    If 10 babies are born at the hospital and 5 old people on the same day, you don’t conclude that there’s a 50% death rate at the hospital.

  13. I just did a google search on divorce rates. Wikipedia says that the NY Times studied a sample of marriages in a longitudinal study over a long period and found that the divorce rate peaked at 41% in 1980 and declined to 31% by 2002.
    The common statistic of 50% comes about because in most years the marriage rate per 1,000 population is about double the divorce rate for 1,000. (7.5 vs 3.8 in 2003).
    Perhaps the correct way to say the 50% statistic is that in any given year, a person is 50% more likely to get married than to get divorced.

  14. Post # 13 remarked about welcoming new students.

    “That’s lovely, of course, but any secular public school would do the same”

    Not in my experience.

    But here’s something positive in my experience. I took my father, a World War II vet to see my son’s yeshiva ketana.

    He remarked to my son’s rebbe that although while fighting for the U.S. he was able to witness the defeat of the Axis powers, the yeshiva and its multitude of children is the real victory.

    Never heard him talk like that before.

  15. Actually, with a 50%+ divorce rate in general society, I think it’s rather sweet that our children can still look forward to marriage and family life as a positive thing to look forward to…>>

    That’s actually not true. The divorce rate is more like 14%. The problem is that someone looked at the # of marriages in a given year and the # of divorces, saw that the number of divorces was half the number of marriages and concluded the divorce rate was 50%. But the denominator is all the marriages existing that could have resulted in a divorce, not just the marriages that took place in a given calendar year. The 50% divorce rate is bandied about and it’s just not true.

  16. >>who introduced himself by telling me that the week before my son transfered in, the Morahs were telling the students how exciting it is that a new boy is coming to join the class and how they (the students) need to remember that it’s hard going to a new school mid-year without knowing anyone.
    >>

    That’s lovely, of course, but any secular public school would do the same, so I’m not sure what the point is, if it’s meant to demonstrate the value of Torah education.

  17. It should be noted that this Bais Yaakov, as those of us who’ve had the good fortune to have had daughters attend(ing) there, is an extraordinary school, guided by a Principal who is in a class of his own when it comes to knowing and really caring about each and every girl in the school. At the time my daughter was a student at this BY, there were, B”H, over 800 girls, and he knew each and every one of them. And the 3rd grade Morahs, especially Mrs. S and her sister, Mrs. R, have been an inspiration for every girl (and their parents) who’ve had the good fortune to be in their classes! Believe me, a school of this caliber makes the pain of paying tuition quite a bit less painful, because you can truly see what you’re getting!
    Happy Birthday!

  18. David Linn can always put things into proper perspective, Baruch H”. Mazel Tov and Happy Birthday to Mark’s daughter.

  19. I think we’re getting a little carried away with the marriage thing. The post says

    “… Then she called the girls one by one as they proceeded to give my daughter blessings. She wrote each one on the board. Many of the girls answered amen to each blessing. When the blessing was for a Good Husband or a Husband with Good Middos, my daughter dutifully answered, “but not yet”.”

    It never says that that was the only blessing. It was, however, the one that generated a cute response so Mark mentioned it specifically.

    When I was eight years old in public school, we didn’t give out brochas but there certainly were kids who spoke about and teased about marriage. No bigee and … Happy Birthday to Mark’s daughter.

  20. Yes..we give a baby a Bracha at a bris but for 3 things….and we take the lifelong perspective. We always hope that all people see the beauty in marriage…BUT eight year olds should NOT be thinking about marriage. PERIOD. How about a Bracha to discover the cure for cancer? Or a Bracha to find THEIR tafkid in life?

    I’ve always said a woman can be 100% fulfilled living life as a wife and mother….BUT schools that encourage such early marriage-think are robbing those children of the choice to truly decide if they would like to enter a profession.

    Dag

  21. I have to agree- its horrible to define someone by how they will marry. If someone bless her that she will be rich, someone else says President of the US, another says a Dr., then its ok someone blesses about a marriage. But just marriage?

  22. Thanks Mark and Linda. And there are so many more of these choshuve experiences going on in yeshivas, cheder, girls schools, etc. daily, all the time, that we don’t get to witness personally. Gratefully our children do.

  23. Dag,

    When we circumcize an eight-day old boy, we bless him with a future of Torah, chuppah (wedding canopy), and good deeds.

    This isn’t defining the child by whom they marry; it’s giving them a blessing for a future that is part of the Torah’s vision for every Jew (hopefully).

    Actually, with a 50%+ divorce rate in general society, I think it’s rather sweet that our children can still look forward to marriage and family life as a positive thing to look forward to…

  24. Am I the only one that thinks giving blessings for marraige to an 8 year old girl is inappropriate? These girls do NOT need to be defined by who they marry.

    Dag

  25. Awesome !!! Thanks for sharing , this is the kind of stuff that illustrates with an 8.1 megapixel clarity ,the inherent value of a torah education and corresponding crystal clear reasoning on why it’s worth the money .

  26. What a beautiful experience! After all the posts of the tuition problem, even though it won’t go away so easily, thank you for putting up a post that “gives a breath of fresh air”; this is what it’s REALLY all about.

  27. Wow!! I recently met a fellow parent in my son’s kindergarten class (he attends Arie Crown Hebrew Day School in Skokie, IL) who introduced himself by telling me that the week before my son transfered in, the Morahs were telling the students how exciting it is that a new boy is coming to join the class and how they (the students) need to remember that it’s hard going to a new school mid-year without knowing anyone.
    Hopefully more people will post positive stories like yours, Mark. Thanks!

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