That’s a beautiful and just underlines my point. Which is that, as successful as our kiruv efforts have been, they are just a teeny “precious light”. Rabbi Cardozo is offering us an insight on how to maybe brighten that light just a little.

In his beautiful book, Wellsprings of Faith, Rabbi Moshe Wolfson talks about our generation, saying
“…Never in history has there been a generation so lacking in feeling and sensitivity for Godliness. Never has there been a generation so numb to its own injuries, so unconcerned about the damage that is being done to it. In our own time, millions of souls have been torn away from the Jewish people, and yet the pain of that loss is hardly felt — for it is a generation of insensitivity. And yet, precisely because the souls of our generation are so poorly endowed, our own meager spiritual accomplishments are of tremendous significance to God…In a time of darkness, even the smallest light is precious. In a generation of numb and calloused souls, even the simple faith of an ordinary Jew is a cause for immeasurable delight in Heaven.”

I received some numbers from a friend at NJOP. The number of BT’s is somewhere between what you and I said. There are currently about 4,000 BT a year. (I assume this is in the US.) Up until 1990 the rate was about 2,000 a year. The estimate is that in the last 60 years there have been about 120,000 BTs.

I have some other numbers which people here might find interesting.

In 1990 there were about 6,000,000 Jews in America. Of those 2mm were totally unafiliated, 2mm moderately affiliated and 2mm highly affiliated.

Today, there are 5,200,000 Jews in America. (That alone is stagering.) Of those, 2.2mm are completely unaffiliated, 1.5 mm are moderately affiliated and 1.5mm are highly affiliated.

Of the “highly” affiliated Jews, 815,000 attend synagogue once a month or more and 415,000 are orthodox.

These numbers really put things in perspective. Since 1990 there have been about 60,000 BTs, but we’ve totally lost 800,000 Jews!

This is no easy task. We know that the Torah way of life is superior, yet we have to internalize the fact that that does not make us superior to another Jew.

Rebbetzin Heller points out that comparisons to other people are almost always wrong. We each have our unique character, environment and mission, and it is our performance against that backdrop that is judged by Hashem.

Rabbi Cardoza was telling Frum people that the secular communities chesed is superior to the Frum communities chesed. Don’t be surprised if we find the statement arrogant.

Although it may be arrogant to say it, “It is arrogant for any person to think that he/she has overcome to any significant degree the trait of arrogance”.

Thinking that the frum communities chesed is superior to that of the non-frum community is a subtle from of such arrogance, even though it may be true in the eyes of Hashem.

Try telling a secular person that the Frum communities chesed is superior to the non-Frum communities chesed and see if they don’t find the statement arrogant.

They will cite the billions and billions of dollars and man-hours devoted to chesed in the non-frum community, which you will then have to poo-poo away. Then they might point out the tepid response to natural disasters by the frum community compared to the non-frum community, which you will also have to explain away.

I can go on and on, but hopefully you can see why the claim or belief of superiority is perceived as arrogant, even if it might be true. That was part of Rabbi Cordozo’s point.

I don’t know the *best* way to do Kiruv, as all programs to date have had limited success in terms of making a dent in the total picture. I do believe we would all benefit from hearing what Rabbi Cordozo is saying although I would certainly not make the claim that it will be the ultimate kiruv solution.

I also respectfully disagree that secular Jews often exceed the accomplishments of the frum Jew in the man-to-man mitzvos. It’s a nice thesis, but the reality doesn’t bear it out. Has anyone ever heard of a gemach for anything in the Conservative, Reform or non-affiliated community? Has anyone but the frum created a Hatzola or Bikur Cholim? Jews do participate at soup kitchens and do spontaneous acts of chessed, but rarely does one find the extended and dedicated chessed that is tiring, demanding and sometimes painful outside of frum circles.

It is true that many, if not most, Jews have a good heart, and do care, but without a structure to harness their good impulses, they are wasted. The structure is the mitzvos. When non-affiliated Jews see things like Tomchei Shabbos and the above mentioned chassadim they are very impressed and moved. It is precisely showing them that Torah is what they are missing that moves them.

Rabbi Cardoza’s point that frum Jews need to respect the non-frum is obvious to any BT. That many if not most FFBs are “arrogant” in thinking that they are superior is questionable. Some think this way, and they are the same one who call Blacks and other non-Jews with slurs. Many others have internalized ahavas yisroel and still others have an underlying envy for the frei Yid. Granted, he is correct in saying that being judgmental will turn away a non-frum yid, but actually it takes a degree of awareness not to judge someone who is doing blatent aveiras. It takes some level of education for people to understand deeply the ramifications of being a tinok she nishba, that non-frum Jews feel empty inside, etc.

This is where BT educating the FFB is very valuable, and I think the recent movie put out by Aish HaTorah, Inspired, was very successful in this way. I heard that it was an enormous success in the FFB world, which wouldn’t be the case if the FFB community was arrogant. They simply don’t relate and need to be educated.

To your point of the tone of Rabbi Cordozo’s article, it is clear that many found it offensive. I believe it was due in part to his upfront usage of the term arrogant, instead of something more sugar coated, like gaiva-dich.

But I like Rabbi Cordozo’s out-of-the-box thinking, so I chose to get past the tone and hear his message. Clearly your mileage did vary.

At the risk of prolonging a conversation that’s probably lasted too long already, I’ll respond in brief to a few of your points.

1. I never suggested that you close the site – all I did was point out a tendency on behalf of many commenters to hold the frum community to unreasonably exacting standards and how occassionaly their comments border on being slanderous. I don’t know what you’re rabbanim have advised on how to respond to those but I noticed that you never let a negative comment re: BeyondBT pass without a rejoinder and I though your Ahavas Yisrael would demand that you do the same when others are unfairly maligned.

2. I have no doubt many people are relieved to hear that yes, there are problems in the frum community, and somehow it helps them cope further. I’d love to know how, but I trust that it’s very therapuetic.

3. I’m have never questioned the willingness of Kiruv pros to accept criticism. I questioned the wisdom of dishing it out when they’re not guilty of the crime.

4. To say that Rabbi Cardozo’s article wouldn’t make it into “How To Win Friends etc.” is precisely the point. His article was on How To Win Jews and in trying to make his point he was guilty of the very crime he warns against. That was my point and it seems that even you agree.

5. As far as Kiruv pros reading the site, I know some who do so avidly and others who pointedly don’t, because of the frequent negativity.
For the record, I fowarded a copy of this article to four acqauintences of mine who are in the field of kiruv. Of the three who responded, two were overwhelmingly disturbed by the TONE of the argument and the third felt it might have been an important point but it was poorly presented.

Have a wonderful Shabbos!

My point? Is kiruv about offering people life enhancement strategies and tasty meals and nice clothes, or is it about serving Hashem because we believe that our redemption is being delayed becuase of aveyrahs that non-observant (and observant) jews commit? Is the choice between being observant or non-observant two equally valid choices, or is it more like a drug counseler and a drug addict, where no one would argue that the behavior of the drug addict is valid or acceptable? Or is it somewhere in the middle? I really don’t know what the proper attitude is.