Comments on: Those Five Magic Words

By: Chava Ashkenazi

Chava Ashkenazi — Sun, 01 Jan 2006 11:43:15 +0000

Hashem created you born into an assimilated family – only for your soul’s good. Many of the things you learned there, developed there and loved there were things that can – no, must – be used to sanctify G-d’s name here and now. It is who you are – by Hashem’s Will.

One thing I’ve learned through my years is that nothing good comes of not being true to myself….Hashem intentionally created me as the unique person that I am, and trying to pass as someone or something else is not only self destructive, but in the symphony of creation, the note that I embody is not being played.

By: Yitz

Yitz — Fri, 30 Dec 2005 18:12:57 +0000

It seems to me that if you sweep dirt under the rug you end up with bulges. Ultimately you will trip over them.

Stifling implies suppressing – ouch. Teshuva implies growth and transformation. If I was a thief yesterday but today I no longer steal, the “true” me is not a thief. Nothing to stifle. But if I was a drummer in a rock band and today I am frum, why can’t I play the drums in a chassona band? Take the skill with me?

The Torah [medrash] teaches about Avraham Avinu’s travels through avodah zara. He rec’d reward for all of it. Why? It brought him to Hashem. It was all a part of his journey to HaKadosh Boruch Hu. Why doesn’t the Torah bury those stories? Because we learn from our father Avraham. This doesn’t mean that we should share past aveiros, chas v’shalom, with others. But it means that we should NOT look back upon our previous lives as sinners, but rather as ignorant [kidnapped] children who, had we known better, would have done the ratzon haBoray earlier. I don’t understand the stifle business.

In any event. Good SHabbos. Yitz

By: Dovid

Dovid — Fri, 30 Dec 2005 15:04:22 +0000

“What’s wrong with stifling the “true” me ?”

I don’t get it. What makes the past you any truer than the present you? In fact I thought that the whole T’shuva process was about rediscovering/uncovering the true you?

By: Rachel Adler

Rachel Adler — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 22:30:49 +0000

I don’t know if I’m comfortable enough in my frumness to “pass” as an FFB yet. But even if I was, I still would be open about my past, because I don’t like to lie. I guess I’m not far enough removed timewise from my pre-frum life that it wouldn’t come up in conversation. Anyone who asks me what seminary I went to will immediately find out that I’m a BT, because I didn’t go to seminary. Or if they ask where I’m from. [I'm thinking of just saying "Providence" to avoid questions.] Or if they ask me whether or not I’m going home for the passover seders. Though my community is worldly enough that there’s not so much difference between BTs and FFBs. We all listen to secular music and watch movies and play videogames.

I often find that I’m drawn to people who are BTs, and I have a sort-of “BT-dar.”

Then I wonder- is “passing” really an accomplishment? Are we any less frum if we’re obviously BT?

By: David Linn

David Linn — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 22:08:24 +0000

For some reason or other, I often get those “five words” (and no, I don’t have a long white beard neither do I always wear a black hat). In a way, this may have spared me some of the overt elitism that others have experienced. I guess that’s a good thing. On the other hand, I often feel that these words strip me of a critical part of my personality, the struggles I have encountered and the obstacles I have overcome and those still in front of me.

By: Yitz Greenman

Yitz Greenman — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 21:30:47 +0000

What about my previous incarnation is worth flaunting? – Shayna

I don’t know. What about your previous incarnation is worth sharing?

Were you into reading? Writing? Drama? Sports? Music – listening or playing an instrument? Summer camp? Hiking? Traveling? Or do you view your past life as a full time consumer of McDonalds?

Okay, so there will be some non kosher memories connected to the writing, reading, drama or what have you. You can choose to skip over those parts of the story when you share with your kids or friends or whomever, but share the meaningful memorable parts. They exist.

As my children grow I encourage them to not wear clothes that don’t fit. The pants, shirt and shoes that my 15 year old wore may not fit him when he’s 20…but the hat, gloves and scarf might still do the trick. Why dump them?

The issue is perspective. My frum life is full of meaning, whereas my secular life was less so – but it was still filled with bracha. Why delete the bracha? Taking it with us just adds bracha to our present lives.

Freilechen Chanukah. YG