Beyond BT

Spiritual Growth for Jews

Non Conformity

Posted on | December 14, 2005 | By Kressel Housman | 3 Comments

The issue of non-conformity was a rather big one in my high school days, and it was largely seen as a virtue. The teachers valued it, or so it seemed in English classes when we learned about Thoreau, the idealized American hero of non-conformity. Plenty of students, often the smarter ones, wanted to resist conformity, too, but the daily life of a high school student wasn’t quite as dramatic as Thoreau’s life, so non-conformity became more about making fashion statements. The punk rocker types with their spikey hair, black clothes, and combat boots were Non-Conformists Supreme. The worst put-down from one of them was, “You’re such a conformist.”

Amidst all this discussion in and out of class came one that had a particularly strong impact on me. My eleventh grade English teacher said that to be a non-conformist, you don’t have make a big deal of your non-conformity. Ideally, it’s just a matter of being true to yourself. In fact, making a cause out of one’s non-conformity could lead a person down the slippery slope to hypocrisy. I liked that because it was precisely my sense of the punk rockers.

Given this liberal education, conformity has never come easily to me. I conform to Halacha because that is what the Torah requires, but I remember being resentful when told by one of my seminary rebbeim that ultimately, most BTs conform. It sounded like a grim future to me. But he added one important caveat: there is still room for individual difference within communities, and those differences show themselves from home to home.

Now that I have a home of my own, I see that my sem rebbe was right. On the outside, I look like my neighbors, but as people get to know me, they begin to see my differences. By that point, though, we’re looking past externals and relating to each other as individuals, each different from the other. As long as we’re not waving our differences in each other’s faces like rebel flags, but relating to each other as fellow human beings, conformity or the lack thereof really doesn’t matter. We’re all just people living our lives. And that’s really all we need to be.

Comments

3 Responses to “Non Conformity”

  1. Chava
    December 15th, 2005 @ 7:14 am

    Good points!

    The funny thing about the punk rockers, is that they all conformed exactly to the dress and behavior code of the Punk Rockers, even though they felt that they were totally rebelling…. It’s just like my friends and I in our anti-Vietnam-war, counter-culture days. We would never, chas veshalom, show up at a demonstration wearing anything other than our flannel shirts and bell bottom jeans – but from the inside it was always: “Who, me? Conforming??????!!!!?”

  2. Kressel Housman
    December 15th, 2005 @ 10:17 am

    BS”D

    That was my opinion of them precisely.

  3. Tamara
    December 18th, 2005 @ 9:36 am

    But conforming, even in a ‘rebellious’ way, is a natural part of teenage life. Kids (and university students like me) ‘try on’ different personas, and involve themselves in different groups before they find their niche. That is how many young adults get to Torah; after testing out other options and finding them lacking, they evetually settle on the truth, and end up conforming to that reality.

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